Gilbert's Syndrome

Steve has recently been diagnosed with Gilbert's Syndrome (pronounced ZHEEL-bayrz cause it's a fancy syndrome). Apparently his liver is dumb. He had routine blood work a while ago that came back with weirdly high bilirubin - and it freaked me the freak out (he got the email from the doctor as we were driving to CO!) So when we got back from vacation, the doctor ordered a liver ultrasound and then more blood work. Both of those things were fine.  Our family doctor then consulted with someone or other and they have officially diagnosed Gilbert's. Which is pretty much the BEST syndrome to have. Why? It's totally benign and meaningless (it just means his dumb liver produces mad bilirubin and he can turn yellowish if he gets stressed or dehydrated) - and causes no harm to Steve whatsoever. But it SOUNDS like it could be something bad. Which is awesome. Next time I get invited to some awful work function, I can be like, "I can't go! I really want to!!! You see…Steve's ZHEEL-bayrz Syndrome makes it so hard…so hard…I need to be there for him during this time. He's unwell." Boom. Perfect excuse for any situation. Thank you, Steve's Dumb Liver!

The Face of Gilberts

(P.S. I texted Steve and said, "send me a selfie where you look tragically sad and unwell." That was his response. I was like, "that's how you look every day." His response? "Don't put that on the internet." Ooops.)

French Kissing

We watched Honey, I Shrunk the Kids tonight. Wm was a big fan. But there was a PG-rated French kissing joke that I had to explain to him. Upon hearing what French kissing was, Wm goes, "uhhhh…that is a real good way to get sick." Hahaha!!!!

Fish

Believe it or not, all of Wm's fair fish are still alive and kicking. No one is more pleased about this fact than Schroeder. He spends the majority of his time perched in front of the tank, tail swishing, eyeballing the fish intensely. I took a video of it, but just realized I used Steve's phone. I will post it soon! When Wm feeds the fish, he has to kick Schroeder out because he tries to cram his cat head into the tank when Wm opens the flap to put the food in.

I heard snoring next to me on the couch the other night and looked over to see this:

Awesome.

I also took a video to showcase the snoring, but Steve was all crabby about it and won't let me post it. My favorite part is how the pillow behind his back has pooched out his belly, the shirt has ridden up, and he looks like a fat, drunk old man schlumped over with the light of his phone illuminating his face as he snores away. Steve…of course, was not as pleased with the angle - or the picture as a whole. Shows what he knows. GOLD!

Dr. Seuss

We spent yesterday working our butts off in the backyard taming the jungle on the Big Hill.  Our steps were impassable. We managed to clear the steps, fix them up, and put down some nice stones! We also cleared the area right next to it and planted some boxwood bushes. To finish things off, we put a little gnome in there to guard the whole business. Then we went to a rainy cookout and partied with some friends.  Wm made a new friend and had a blast!

First thing this morning, Wm went to play disc golf with Guy while Steve was at work and I got dinner in the crock pot. Then, we headed off to church. The Director of Religious Education asked Wm if he would light the chalice today during the service. But Wm was very nervous about getting up in front of people and wouldn't do it. He had a GREAT time in Sunday School - when I walked in to get him after the service he goes, "that was 5 minutes!!" He made me show him my watch to prove it was an hour. They had brought in a bunch of looms and shown the kids about weaving and knitting. I guess they talked about how things have changed throughout history. Wm found it fascinating. I never know what he will be interested in!!

On the drive home, I asked him why he felt nervous about lighting the chalice and he said he was afraid something would go wrong and people would laugh at him. So we talked about how church is a safe place where no one would ever laugh at him (in fact, I pointed out the man who did light the chalice today had quite a bit of trouble and everyone clapped for him when he got it!) I also shared one of my favorite quotes with Wm and we talked about what it means. He said he thinks he will light the chalice next time!!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

Fair

Well, we went to the Ohio State Fair today and it was as fun as ever! The weather was perfect for it and we had a blast! But now we are all exhausted. And smelly. However, our shower is out of commission again (more on that later…)

Wm got his first ever Schmidt's cream puff and attacked it wolf-style. He was the predator and that cream puff was his prey.

Started out like a gentleman.

ATTACK!

Stuffed full of fair stromboli, cream puff, and his annual coke, Wm decided it was time for archery.

The deer made it

On to the requisite fair caricature drawing! Wm smiled at first and then the guy goes, "you don't have to keep smiling, if you don't want to," after he finished drawing his mouth. Wm then looked so sullen that a stranger stopped to comment on it. It was all or nothin'.

Wm being captured on paper

Shading and sullenness 

But he was VERY pleased with the results!

Wm LOVES the games at the fair. He usually spends all his allotted fair money on games, forgoing rides. This year, he didn't even want to ride the Big Slide because he said, after the alpine slide in Denver, it was a huge disappointment. This year, Wm won a stuffed penguin and THREE goldfish. Steve then proceeded to spend $35 on fish-related wares. I am sure all of these fish will be dead in 15 minutes and we will have $35 worth of useless fish crap.

Thrilled with life

The fam has been watching Alaska: The Last Frontier and Wm is OBSESSED with it. It's basically a documentary about homesteaders in remote Alaska. They don't even have running water (Wm was amazed that people used outhouses). In the last episode we watched, they slaughtered their two turkeys (named Thanksgiving and Christmas) with a samurai sword (you may be figuring out why Wm loves this show).  We found some baby turkeys at the fair and Wm was super excited to see some in real life. I told him we should get some turkeys and a samurai sword, but he said he'd rather just buy them at the store. Bor-ing.

Baby turkeys!

Wm also went fishing - didn't catch anything. Major disappointment.

So, we are re-caulking the bathtub AGAIN - and last night Steve and I stripped out all the old caulk. Wm walked into the bathroom this morning and then this happened…

Wm: Where is all the caulk?

Steve: [teasing] Mommy ate it.

Wm: Mommy is a monster caulk-eater!

Me & Steve: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

Wm: What?

Me: Nothing.

Wm: WHAT?

Me: Hey, didn't you say there's a new mod on Minecraft you wanted?

Wm: Oh, yes, it's the most extensive mod yet! It has….[insane yammering]

Thank god he's easily distracted.

Humiliating Defeat

Wm's baseball team suffered a 21-4 loss last night in the semi-finals (to the undefeated first place team). Wm scored a run, so he was happy. He also said he was "baseballed out," so, all-in-all, he was not displeased by this turn of events. If anything, he seemed somewhat relieved. I was not able to be there because I was stuck at home waiting for Columbia Gas to come and do something that took 2 seconds in our basement (probably casing the joint). Annoying. I used my mountain of alone time to take pictures of Fatty McGee sleeping next to me on the couch and play with my camera settings.

artist cat shot.

It was suuuuuper hot earlier this week. Steve was doing something outside at work and texted me back this picture when I asked if it was hot out:

Luckily, it rained yesterday and cooled way off because we are all taking the day off tomorrow to go the state fair. Wm is super duper excited!! He loves the fair. We also have a ton of work to do this weekend taming our insane backyard jungle. I'm sure I will get lots of pictures of Wm doing exciting fair things. 

And, lastly, Wm was talking about the "Leaning Tower of Pizza" yesterday. When I told him it was the Leaning Tower of Pisa, he goes, "what is PISA?!?!" I go, "A place in Italy." Wm was very sad to learn it was not a giant tower of pizza.

Baseball Hero

Today was Wm's first baseball playoff game. If they lost, they were out. If they won, they advanced to the semi's. It was the last inning and it was all tied up…it was tense.  And THEN, guess who scored the game winning run?

BASEBALL HERO WILLIAM!

Showing his moves

Puttin' some pepper on it!

So now, thanks to Baseball Hero William, the Cubs advance to the semi-finals on Wednesday. If they lose there, they're done. But if they win, on to the finals Saturday!

Fired

One hour after Color Run...

Out like a light - woke up in much better mood!

Usual. But new iPad case has a nice stand. So: Updated Command Center.

Then…

Me: So are you still thinking NAMEWITHHELD is doing well at work?

Steve: Oh yeah, he's a hard worker. 

Me: That seems to be your major criterion for evaluating your employees.

Steve: Well, they're all lazy - except him.

Me: How are they lazy?

Steve: When they finish their work, they just sit around and BS. They don't look for new stuff to do on their own. I constantly have to tell them what to do. It's annoying.

Me: Uh, wow. You are intense. You would totally fire me if I worked for you.

Steve: [without missing a beat] Oh, yeah. For sure.

AAAAAND BURN.

Color Run!

We did Color Run this morning!  Wm LOVED it!!  He had such a good time and wants to do it again next year! He was great - no whining around about all the walking at all! Steve was a touch crabby due to the fact he was at work until midnight last night overseeing some wiffle ball tournament. Ah, the life of Steve! And Mimi did awesome! She didn't even have to wash her hair!! (Meanwhile, she dumped an entire yellow packet on my head and I had to wash my hair three times - I will retaliate by including a picture of her with a blue tooth.)

Before. With HAPPY tattoos!

Steve not feeling the HAPPY so much

Halfway through!

Pretty colorful already!

About to cross the finish line!

The rain held off! You can see the menacing clouds...

BLUE TOOTH!

After.  

Another Funny...

Wm: Can I get on the computer?
Me: Yeah, one sec.
Wm: You can finish what you're doing. Don't take long.
Me: Well, thank you for your generosity.
Wm: Are you being sarcastic?

Funny Wm

Me: What did you sculpt with clay this week?
Wm: What?
Me: Cheryl sent out an email that said you guys are making clay sculptures at summer clubhouse this week. And baking them and painting them! I'm so excited to see yours!!!
Wm: Oh, yeah. I didn't do that.
Me: What did you do?
Wm: Played with Chance and Caulder.
Me: But..but…I wanted to display your sculpture!
Wm: Well, I didn't even know what to make.
Steve: You could have made a bowl or a vase or an ashtray.
Wm: What is an "ashtray?"
Steve: Wow. Yeah. Ummm…smokers use it to hold the ash from their cigarettes.
Wm: Weird.
Me: We are old.
Steve: Yeah.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Steve getting ready for his shower]
Wm: Daddy, you may want to close the blinds. You don't want the whole neighborhood to see your bare butt.  [sigh] I learned that the hard way.

Winston!

Wm got to go meet Winston, the new kitten that Mimi and Guy rescued from the mean streets this week! Winston is VERY tiny and skeletal - he has a bunch of medicines and kitten illnesses, but he is getting better every day and is SUPER cute!!  Wm is in love with him. He has talked about nothing else all evening. One recurrent theme is that he is VERY glad that Mimi and Guy decided to get a kitten instead of a dog. Wm is definitely a cat person! Winston laid on Wm's lap, letting him pet him, for quite a while - until it was time for his medicine. He is a very sweet little guy - and has tiny little purrs. Wm was very gentle with him and did great!!

Wm & Winston

Getting sleepy...

Then we came home to Fats and it was quite shocking how big he seemed all of a sudden!

Chunk took over my tea tray with his giant body and evil eyes

I would like to point out that we got Schroeder a deluxe memory foam cat bed that we placed on the bay window ledge in front of the tree where birds hang out.  But he sleeps in my hard, tiled breakfast tray in front of bricks. Sigh.

On Saturday morning, Wm, Steve, Mimi, and I are doing Color Run! The forecast is calling for rain…which may make things super fun or super awful. It remains to be seen! We got our race packets today and are getting excited!!  We'll see how Wm does with his first 5k! 

Truth.

Pioneer Times

During a hurricane-like storm yesterday a tree blew down in our backyard, taking out our cable wire. This wouldn't be a big deal since, literally, no one in the family watches TV (other than Steve's weird sport-watching). However…INTERNET. Wm and I noticed pretty much 10 seconds after this occurred that something wasn't right since we were both online (as usual). Steve was off playing golf, so he was of no use. Since we had nothing to do, we decided to go grocery shopping. And that's when we saw the giant tree and dangling wires. Luckily, the tree was in the way back part of our yard, so it's easily ignorable otherwise. But…INTERNET.  And, the worst news is that they cable company won't come out to fix it until tomorrow!!! It's like pioneer times! I had no idea how much I actually used the internet to solve all problems. Two things occurred in the first hour of Pioneer Times:
1. I called the cable company, but they wouldn't talk to me since I didn't know the last 4 digits of Steve's driver's license number…unless I knew the exact amount of our last bill. However, with e-billing, I couldn't get on the computer and look at our last bill!
2. Trying to make dinner, the recipe was bookmarked on the computer, so I tried to guesstimate based on my my memory of the recipe. Dinner disaster ensued.
Then, Steve arrived home and realized the World Cup final was not taped and lost his mind.  It's a dark time. A dark time.  Yesterday evening, Steve goes, "I guess…do we have a movie on DVD or something?"  Oh, Netflix! WHYYYYYYY?????

Wm is actually taking this better than anyone since you don't need an internet connection to play Minecraft.  The only alteration to his usual activities is that he can no longer watch Minecraft videos while simultaneously playing Minecraft. He did agree to play Egyptian Rat Screw with me, though! I annihilated him and then he refused to play anymore. He also folded his laundry in record time!! Still…I will be glad when I am not huddled over my phone trying to see if my amazon order has shipped yet on their crappy mobile site. INTERNET!!!!!! 

Baseball

I realized I have not posted any shots of Wm playing baseball this season! He had his best game ever today!  He blasted a power hit right down the middle and did some great fielding that resulted in an out against the other team. You will also notice Coach Steve in the shot doing his coachly duty.

Wm warming up - Steve overseeing.

Fielding a grounder!

Instruction happening

Steve was all annoyed that I posted his meanness the other day.  He was all, "I was KIDDING and now everyone thinks I'm mean! It's all about the tone! You have to write 'haha!' after it so people know I was kidding!" I was feeling bad, but since Steve viciously attacked me just now and tickled me until I couldn't breathe, I am posting his latest evilness. 

Steve: What happened to this chair?? [Trying to straighten out the chair in a bag I took to the baseball game]

Me: Oh, yeah. It was being weird when I put it away. The strap was all twisty.

Steve: What did you do???? This is all jacked up.

Me: It's fine. My mom helped me and we got it in there.

Steve: [sarcastically] Makes sense. Looks like a Cory and Betsy job.

That's right, Mom! You are now part of Steve's Reign of Terror! Who knows who will be next?!!?

Command Center

Wm has created a command center with both the iPad and laptop. He plays Minecraft on the laptop and simultaneously watches videos about it on the iPad. It's pretty intense. I snuck up him and got a great series of pictures. I will caption with exactly what was said…

Silence. Sneaky action picture. The click gave me away.

"Are you taking secret pictures of me?"

"NOT NICE."

He then took everything to the Situation Room (otherwise known as his bedroom) to escape me. He is now hiding out up there and I doubt I'll see him again until bedtime. Mission accomplished.

Also, Schroeder needs to join Overeaters Anonymous. Here he is fatting around:

fat sack of fat

He also enjoys rolling onto his tummy and showing you his cute white spot to pretend like he wants a  belly scratch.  When, in fact, all he wants is for you to reach toward his belly so he can then grab you with his cat arms, hang on, and gnaw/lick on your arm psychotically with his super creepy tiny cat fangs and raspy tongue.

Not falling for it!

I would also like to add that Steve is super mean. When I showed him the picture of Jabba the Cat he goes, "look at his pea head sitting atop his disproportionally giant, fat body…just like you." So I am currently plotting my revenge.

Guy's Pictures

Guy sent me a bunch of good pictures he took during our trip!  There's a lot, so without further ado…

Where I get my good looks ;-)

Two wild and crazy gals... 

Wm and Griff checking out the chickens

More chickens.

Selfie 1!

Selfie 2!

Wm clearly enjoying the wedding...

Steve on his phone, Wm being crazy. Normal.

Also normal.

Brief moment of calm.

And…we're back.

Also, Wm is now back at summer clubhouse and they went roller skating yesterday. Wm was all grumpy because he said he doesn't know how to roller skate and didn't want to go. When I picked him up, I asked how it went and he goes, "AWESOME. I have mastered roller skating."