YOLO

I was sitting at work on Friday, plugging along, when Steve randomly texted me. He is an interesting bloke. It is just this sort of unexpected spice that has kept the fire burning for nearly 15 years. The Big 1-5 is just about a week away. 

Steve is crazy.

Steve and Wm headed up to NE Ohio yesterday while I sat at home nursing my Evil UTI that will not go away.  I'm currently on my second round of antibiotics and they have given me the ones now that have killed off everything in my body - leading to all sorts of rebellions. Probably better to let me stew around alone with my cranberry juice and despair anyway! So while I watched Zero Dark Thirty on Starz (verdict: BORING. Bin Laden is in the house!!! Stop talking about the house, Jessica Chastain!) and drank tea, Wm got to do this:

Actually IN the water! And smiling!!!

Still IN THE WATER

Cuteness.

Tampolining! 

And, I also have to give props to Suzanne, who made me laugh my butt off. We were watching Outlander last weekend and I was complaining that the HD is actually too high definition because you can totally tell everything is fake - it needs to be grainier so that you can't actually SEE the strings behind the scenes. Suzanne's response? "First World problems." hahaha! YOLO, bitches!

Curriculum Night

Steve and I headed to Curriculum Night for 3rd grade yesterday evening. And it sounds like Wm is going to have a great year! They made a big deal out of moving from the primary to intermediate grades and stressed that expectations are going to ratchet up considerably. They start long division this year, which will be new to Wm! He is super pumped!! He has a dedicated math teacher and gets 90 minutes of math instruction daily - which is AWESOME! I guess school no longer teachers kids how to write in cursive, so I am picturing a generation of children block printing their names on important documents. But, Wm also gets to take a number of really fun field trips this year (his teacher's dairy farm, a walking tour of German Village, the Ohio Historical Society, some stop on the Underground Railroad/Haunted House!)  The teachers have a 3rd grade blog and twitter feed, so we can follow along with everything that's happening! The kiddos get to use iPads and technology in the classroom, get to hatch and raise baby chicks, and there is some giant poetry breakfast and a "State Fair" (where each kid is assigned a state and they do a big report on it). They get to start with the history of The Ville - which is super interesting!! So, basically, I am very jealous of the amazing year it sounds like Wm is going to have!!

At 5am this morning, I hear Wm scream "MOMMMMMMY!!!!!" in that awful, something-is-seriously-wrong voice. Turns out he woke up with a nose bleed.  Our hallway was smeared with blood and the trash is filled with bloody tissues. It looked like a crime had occurred. Luckily, Wm's Before School place is closed for teacher in-service today so he got to sleep in and just head straight to school. I called Steve at 8am to see how he was doing and Wm was just getting out of bed! He goes, "Why are you on the phone? Where ARE you?"I was like, "I'm at work! It's 8am!" Wm was very confused. Blood loss. Steve REALLY enjoyed sleeping in and having a relaxing morning as well! OSU begins classes today - so no rest for me!

Weekend!

Steve did his annual Elementary kick ball diamond Saturday morning!

Then Wm had a babysitter Saturday night while Steve and I went to dinner at my department chair's house. Wm had the best time a human could have while we were gone and was very sad that we returned. Matt came over with his laptop and downloaded Minecraft so they could battle. He even got Wm to play OUTSIDE! 

I tried to get Steve into Outlander. It didn't go so well. He liked the first one (with all the nudity), but after the last one, I turned off the TV and then asked Steve was he thought. Silence. I looked over to see this:

He had made himself a little floor nest and slept through the whole thing. Who needs him? Suzanne came over and watched it with me today!! And also got a bucket of ice water thrown on her. So...all in all, a pretty successful day. 

Englishman

Wm had a great first week of school. He loves all his teachers and is very excited to start multiplication and division! His Math teacher said they'll start in 4 weeks, so he's counting down!

Wm enjoys watching YouTube videos that weird gamer nerds put up about all the things they do. His favorite is British. So Wm has taken to talking with an English accent 90% of the time. I asked him how his day at school went and here was his response:



Wm is all excited because my student assistant, who he looooves, is coming over to babysit him while Steve and I go to dinner at my department chair's house. He is already plotting all the things he is going to make Matt do with him. Hopefully he's worn out when we get home and will sleep the sleep of champions!

Steve's Phone

I sluethed around and found some pictures on Steve's phone! He's always taking covert pictures and not telling me (I also found a picture of a very scary looking woman with a mohawk and tattoos that said "One Shot...One Kill" in front of him at RedBox that he took to show me and then forgot).  

I look weirdly intense. Wm ready for us to go.

Organizing supplies

Getting his learn on.

Also, I forgot how Wm managed 2 sick burns today.

1. After we got his supplies out and unpacked, there was still about 5 minutes until the bell. So I go, "Wm, do you want us to stay with you and hang out until the bell?" He goes, "LEAVE." 

2. Steve was chatting with Wm about his classmates this evening and when he asked about one, Wm goes, "he's OK...but he's not as funny as he thinks he is."

Also on Steve's black hole of a phone, I found this cute picture of Wm at the batting cage!

Wm had a GREAT first day! He loves his homeroom teacher and said that the other 2 teachers he'll have (one for Math/Science and one for Reading/Word Study) are also awesome. He is fascinated by his male teacher who works on his family's farm all summer. Wm told me all about his cows and how the best behaved class gets to visit the farm. He wants to see that farm. We went to the library and stocked up on books and Wm is ready and excited (finally) for 3rd grade!!

Third Grade!!

Today was Wm's first day of 3rd grade!!! He looks so big! 

As you look at pictures, see if you can guess Wm's favorite color. :)

Heading out!

Walking down

Official Front Door First Day Shot

Wm's classroom!

Wm's "locker!"

Wm's seat!

Last Day!

Today is Wm's last day of summer vacation!!  We got to go meet his new teacher today (who was our neighbor until 2 months ago!) Wm got to see his new classroom - he's moved up to the 3rd floor!!  He's on top of the world!!

I also FINALLY convinced him to watch Frozen with me today (as long as I fast forwarded through any singing or kissing). I liked the little snowman. Totally worth watching it just for him.

I also told Wm that the Banana Demon was very annoyed he wasn't eating his bananas. For about 30 seconds I had him going with this:

Banana Demon

But then he was all, "I know you are the Banana Demon - you're not tricking me." Still, I got him to eat that banana! Next up: Broccoli Demon.

I had to find ways to entertain Wm while I waited on a prescription. We killed time by trying on reading glasses. These were Wm's favorite:

I told Wm he has killer eyelashes and I would give my right arm to have some like his. He was like, "who even looks at eyelashes?" I told him "trust me - it's a thing" He snorted and asked Steve is he had "big eyelashes," and Steve goes, "you do have really long and thick eyelashes - they're pretty amazing!" So then Wm looked thoughtful...like he was considering all the ways he could use his eyelashes for personal gain. I tried to get a picture of them, but it doesn't 'em justice. I have no idea how Wm landed those puppies (certainly not from me!) but his baby blues are lined with long, thick, black eyelashes. Not fair.

And tomorrow, hi-ho-ho, it's back to work I go! And then, sadly, all the students will back on campus to harass me. As one of the professors said to me last week, "my job would so much better if it wasn't for the students." Word. (Actually I was thinking to myself as he said it "MY job would be so much better if it wasn't for the professors!")

I will update soon with pictures of Wm's first day of 3rd grade tomorrow!!!!

Final Days

School starts the day after tomorrow. So Wm and I are off partying down today and tomorrow. So far today we have: taken an adventure walk with binoculars to spot wildlife (which was limited to squirrels, birds, and the occasional outdoor cat), went to the batting cages at Steve's work, went out to lunch with Steve, went for ice cream at Jeni's (without Steve, much to his chagrin), looked at new Minecraft stuff at Target, and had plenty of Minecraft playing time. 

Batting cages!

Daddy's work has the coolest stuff

Babe Ruth

JENI'S!!!!

Tomorrow we have on tap a movie, the electronics surplus sale at OSU (maybe we can find a SUPER cheap used PC for Wm - who says he wants a PC so he can "mess with the config file," whatever that means), and, if the weather holds, the zoo.

Schroeder has been very pleased with our unexpected and continued presence. I sat on the floor for one second to plug my phone in and he purr-attacked me. I hit record and held my phone up to my face, so you can see a bird's eye view of life with a needy cat. He finally settled onto my lap and refused to budge.

Food Truck Festival

It was gorgeous today, so we couldn't resist dragging Wm to the food truck festival at Columbus Commons for lunch. Today was apparently the last day, so we couldn't miss it!! We stuffed ourselves - especially a certain Steve character. He found a place that had gluten free mini donuts!!! They were AMAZING! Really good live music, amazing food, perfect weather - it was a blast!

Wm refused to open his eyes because of the sun.

Gluten free s'more mini donuts!

Wm had to visit the Jeni's truck!

Wm even made his own video!

And, all hail Steve, Master of Cable Television. Now that one of my favorite books, Outlander (if you haven't read it - you need to) has been made into a series on Starz (if you haven't seen it - you need to) I really wanted to get Starz!! So Steve worked weird magic and more than quintupled our internet speed, got us more HD channels, and added Starz and Encoure...and our cable bill went DOWN $10/month! Wheeeeee!!!!!!! Best husband ever!! (I have a suspicion it's because the woman playing the lead in Outlander is gorgeous and was very, very nude - tastefully - in the first episode they released for free to get you hooked. But...whatever it takes.)

Llamas

Today is Wm's last day of summer clubhouse!! He is VERY sad. They are going on a picnic at Whetstone, so he's pretty excited about that. AND, we should get the letter in the mail today telling us who his 3rd grade teacher will be (finally!) It doesn't really matter since they start switching classes and he'll have each teacher for half the day, but he's still all thrilled to learn who his "homeroom" teacher is.

His weird cough remains.  I told him if it's still there on Monday, he's going to the doctor. He was displeased about that turn of events. He says he wants to get a flu shot because "he doesn't want to get the flu," so I told him we can talk to his doctor about that at the same time, if he wants. He also wanted to make sure I knew he wanted the SHOT. Wm was adamant that he wants nothing up his nose, so the nasal spray is out. He wants the needle. He goes, "a little pinch is better than the flu…or having something in my nose!"

Wm told me last night that I have a "better sense of humor" than Steve because I laughed my butt off when he did this little thing with his hands. All he got out of Steve was a chuckle. So, my sense of humor is about at 3rd grade level, apparently. But, seriously…this is some funny stuff:



Also, the cat is insane. He loves to get inside any plastic bag and hang out. I told Steve he's going to suffocate himself and we'll come down to find a little cat corpse in our paper towel bag. See if you can spot the creepy glowing eye and cat completely within the bag:

Moron Cat

Lastly, Wm dangled a toy between his legs and goes, "I only have one ball. I lost the other one in the war."  No idea.  No. Idea.

End of Summer

Wm starts 3rd grade one week from tomorrow!! He has developed some weird pneumonia cough, but is otherwise fine. I am really hoping he doesn't miss the first week of school the way he missed the first week of summer camp! Friday is his last day of camp, but school doesn't start until Wednesday, so I am planning to take off Monday and Tuesday to give him a last hurrah.

Wm, as usual, has been fun to hang around…

Wm: Stop being weird, Cory!
Me: Uhhhh…what?
Wm: The Cory is being weird.
Me: Why are you calling me The Cory?
Steve: He's messing around in the Minecraft rock quarry.
Me: Thank god - that was freaking me out.
Wm: [long pause] Huh?

Wm now insists that no one come upstairs and help with any phase of his shower-taking. (This has led to his wet towel being laid in a giant, damp pile somewhere in his room every time, but it's nice to just be able to say, "go take your shower" and not unpark my butt from the couch.) So, he comes downstairs this evening after showering and putting on his jammies, goes and fixes himself a snack, sits down at the table, looks over at me and and goes, "I like taking care of things myself…it is much more efficient." HA!

Sadly, it appears as though, even though he claims it isn't hurting his belly, the straight drinking of milk is giving him The Toots. He was like a rocket this evening. So, I think he's back on the water! Also, when we were eating dinner tonight, Wm looked at his plate and goes, "was this chicken humanely raised?"

MILK!

Wm loves loves loves milk. And one of his major disappointments when he was off the dairy was that he couldn't have a cold glass of milk with dinner. I didn't want to overrun his little system all at once so we've been working things back in slowly to make sure he can digest them. Well, yesterday was the Final Frontier: Milk Day. Wm had a tall glass of milk and was SOOOOO happy. And his tummy didn't hurt! AND, it didn't give him The Toots. (Which is what dairy used to do!) This is a happy/sad thing. Since we only buy milk from a really awesome local place with happy, grass-fed cows it's pricey. I have been enjoying the savings of being off the milk! But, the milk is amazing. It's not homogenized and is as minimally pasteurized as milk can legally (and safely) be. It tastes so much better than any other milk I've ever had! But, I hate the crap out of all milk, so I'm not drinking it no matter what.

Speaking of happy cows, after watching the show about Alaskan homesteaders, Wm has been more concerned about where his meat comes from (they show the humane raising/slaughtering of livestock and talk about how it's done in factory farms). So we watched Food, Inc. and Wm now wants to know about all his meat. I told him we only buy meat from happy animals - EXCEPT for the one brand of hotdog he will eat. He was all distressed to learn his beloved hotdogs were from sad cows. So he agreed to try happy cow hotdogs. I asked him after he ate one if it was as good and he goes, "It's not as good as the other ones…but I'll eat them. They are OK." I tried one and I told I thought it was just as good as the torture cow dogs. He insisted that the other ones tasted better, but he didn't want to eat them. I go, "Jeez man, they taste the same to me. The only thing missing is the salt of cow tears."  But even without the taste explosion of cow tears, Wm insists on eating his happy cow dogs!!

Gun

Wm spent his day making a gun out of paper and duct tape that shoots these small, white puff balls. He is VERY proud of his gun. It has 2 barrels, sites, a handle, and "trigger." We had this conversation walking home from summer clubhouse…
Wm: "Fred" didn't even make his gun properly. All his puffballs just fell out the back. But he tried to say that that's how he wanted it. He totally didn't.
Me: Well, your gun is definitely very awesome. I'm sure Fred tried his best and is also proud of his gun.
[a puff ball fell from the gun]
Wm: I don't know which barrel this puff ball came out of!
Me: Does it matter?
Wm: Uhhhh, YES. I like to have an even number of puff balls in each barrel. I have a total of 10 puff balls, so each barrel has to have 5. I count them out each time I reload.
Me: Riiiiight. Because that's not weird at all.
Wm: [disdainfully] MOMMY. I can't go into battle with unevenly loaded barrels. I would be at a disadvantage. Obviously.
Me: Obviously.
Wm: I will just have to wait until we get home so that I can count the puff balls and figure out which barrel this one goes into.

Also, while at the playground, a girl ripped a piece off of Wm's gun and he was most upset. He told me a very long and involved story about the incident and how he had to spend his afternoon repairing the damage. When I asked which girl had ripped it, he goes, "just some random girl at the playground." Ha!

Random Stuff

Made Wm a fried egg. He weirdly ate it like a sandwich.

See if you can spot Steve. Good luck.

Chickens at the Farmer's Market

Wm wanted a pic with Crazy Hair Chicken

Wm and I went and got all his school supplies for 3rd grade today. He was not pleased about this. But, it's now August and that time is looming!! His first day is August 20. Thankfully, it (for the first time!) does not coincide with the first day of classes at OSU. So I can actually take him to his classroom and then leisurely get to work and easily find a parking spot! OSU starts a week later. None of this is good news. No one wants summer to end!!!