Nazis

Wm: We watched a video about Nan-zi today at school.
Me: Nazis?
Wm: Yes.
Me: They showed you a movie about Nazis at school?
Wm: Yeah.
Me: Oooookay.  Were they bad guys?
Wm: No.  They were nice.
Me: WHAT? [to Steve] They are showing him Nazi propaganda films at school?
Wm: The Nan-zi are spiders, Mommy.  Nice spiders who weave webs.
Me: Thank god.

Then, later, when Wm and I were reading  a book about a fat dog that had to go on a diet, I said, "I feel bad for Sally!  They are so mean to her - she just wants food!  Everyone knows fat dogs are the cutest anyway.  Look!  She's crying!  Poor Sally!"  And Wm says, "Mommy...Sally is not real. Calm down."

Park

Steve works yet again this weekend.  Yesterday was rainy, cold, and gross - so Wm and I stayed in and played all day (I did lots of baking and cleaning!)  But, today was gorgeous and warm, so we hit up a new park.  And Wm made a friend!!  He never talks to anyone and goes, "there's nothing wrong with being shy," when I encouraged him to go talk to the other kids.  But one little girl pretty much refused to leave him alone until Wm decided she was OK (Note: this is the same way I wooed Steve).  Then he talked her ear off.  Here they are looking cute together on some dinosaur thing:

Unfortunately, Wm cannot coordinate his own legs to get "pumping" on a swing.  So I am still forced to push him.  After an unbelievably frustrating lesson on pumping, I gave up and pushed his uncoordinated butt.  I am beginning to wonder if Wm's brain is taking up too much of his energy so body is forced to make do with what's left.  Because the kid can figure out junior high level algebra problems...but he can't pump a swing.  Oh, well.  Nerd-dom...here comes Wm.  Which is fiiiiiiine with me.  To borrow a turn of phrase from Wm: there's nothing wrong with nerds.  

Wm is also on my short list.  He was all, "I'm hungry - I want a snack."  So I offered popcorn and he was all happy.  I air-popped it and lightly salted it.  I proudly hand it off to Wm in a cute, individual bag.  He takes a couple bites and goes, "this doesn't taste like it does at the movie theater." And I go, "Well, that's because the movie theater popcorn is nothing but chemicals!  This is REAL popcorn!"  He goes, "meh...not interested." So I melted some Earth Balance "butter" on it, a bit more salt, and gave it back to him like, "here...movie theater popcorn...enjoy."  He ate it, but then says, "just so you know - it still didn't taste like popcorn at the movies."

Going Under the Knife

Steve is going under the knife!  He went in for a surgical consult today to see if he has a hernia that requires surgery. And, in fact...they think he has two!  So they are going in through his belly button to fix up one and then will be scoping and possibly fixing up the other side.  Steve is being oddly nonchalant about the whole business.  I'm sure as May 24 (Knife Day) draws near, he will get more nervous.  But, he came home with all his literature, that I promptly read and started asking him questions and he goes, "I don't know...I haven't read it."

I have to have Steve to the hospital at 6AM.  That means we have to wake up before 5AM.  WHAT?!?  I'm not looking forward to this.  Steve has to get up early enough to wash himself OCD-style with special body wash.  Then, I get the pleasure of hanging out in the waiting room all day.  I guess it's way better than being back in OR.  But, I still plan to whine about it quite a bit (to everyone but Steve, of course).  I'm hoping they have wireless so I can entertain myself on the iPad.  I'm all actually really nervous about driving Steve home.  I will have to go get the car by myself and pick him up somewhere in the horrible maze that is University Hospital.  Steve said he will be sitting there in a wheelchair for hours while I drive around searching for him.  Sadly, this is a possibility.  It's impossible to learn the hospital buildings because as soon as you do, they tear them down and/or build a new ones.  

I told Wm that Daddy has to have surgery and he was kind of nervous.  So I told him that they are going to fill Daddy's belly with air like a big balloon - and the only way the air can get out is with the biggest farts of all time.  Wm LOVED that and laughed his butt off.  He said, "we will have to be really nice to Daddy when he comes home!"

Fun.

Steve works all weekend, so Wm and I are on our own.  Wm has been freakishly good, so it's been easy.  Unfortunately, the weather has SUCKED, so we couldn't do anything fun outside.  I have managed to do the week's grocery shopping alone with Wm (even with a pit stop mid-shop) and made a bunch of food for the week!  Wm has cleaned his room and is currently folding his laundry.  For all his awesomeness, he earned the last start on his star chart to earn a Lego set!  So he went to the Lego store yesterday and picked one out.  He's having the weekend of his life!

I made him granola bars yesterday and while he was eating one, he goes, "it tastes like a pancake." And I go, "well, is that a bad thing?" and he says, "no, not necessarily...just unusual."  HAHA!

Wm LOVES the song We are Young by Fun.  He sings it all the time - and wants to hear it constantly.  He says it is "his favorite song of all time."  It is oddly addicting.  And catchy.  Here is the official video.  I recommend you close your eyes and listen to the song because the song is awesome - but the video gives me the creeps:



And here is Wm, singing his version:

Chalkin'

Wm and I went out to chalk on the walk this afternoon.  He drew some awesome pictures!

Then we went over and played with the new neighbors on their swing set, which was super fun.  And also made me really appreciate the fact Steve and I have one, older, child.  The neighbors have 2 little girls, one about 2ish and one 4 year old.  And they were so needy...and there were TWO of them!  Wm played happily, ignoring my existence, but the girls are still young enough they needed things quite a bit. I do not miss the days of "mom...mom...MOM...MOOOOOOOOOM!"  Not that we still don't have those days, but it's much more likely it will be OK if I say, "give me one sec, man, I am doing something." I forgot that only a year ago if I had said that, he would have been like, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Now." 

While we were eating dinner, Steve let one rip and Wm screamed, "DADDY!  Not at the dinner table!  We are eating!  That is inappropriate!"  (As if Wm should ever be policing someone else's gas - he is the King of Farts.)

And, lastly, I had to share the letter Wm wrote to me at school.  Best. Son. Ever.

Lactose is the Debil

Well, we have confirmed Wm is lactose intolerant.  I have been researching dairy-free, soy-free cheese, yogurt, and ice cream all evening.  Thank god for coconut milk, apparently! Here is poor Wm snuggled on the couch with Daddy after The Lactose Test that made his belly hurt.

The Boys watching Lego Ninjago on YouTube

Busted

I have contacted Wm's school to let them know to keep dairy away from him (easy peasy), but I have to get some formed officially signed by his pediatrician so they won't give him milk at his summer camp.  Seriously?  I'm about to go all Republican, small government up in here.  What if he just hated milk?  They'd force him to guzzle it anyway?  I HATED milk as a kid - I would have just dehydrated all day.  Hmph.  Luckily, Wm has to go in soon for his 6 year checkup, so I'll just take the form then and have her sign it.  Otherwise, I'd be voting for Mittens.

Wm said earlier today, "I must be getting old.  My hip is achin'."  Then he goes, "But I am a late bloomer about eating fast - I can never finish my lunch before the bell."

Happy Morning

I am usually up and out the door before either of The Boys is awake.  This morning, as I sat and ate breakfast, I heard someone get up, go to the bathroom, wash their hands, brush their teeth, and then the opening and closing of dresser drawers.  I thought, "Steve is up early."  I went upstairs to finish getting ready and Wm is in his room, zipping up his sweatshirt, fully dressed!  Steve was still snoozing away!  Wm had gotten up and gone about his morning routine sans any sort of parental harassment or reminders!  I was like, "DUDE! You are amazing!" and he goes, "Yeah, but this devil zipper will NOT cooperate!"  It was extra, extra hilarious because it really was "debil zipper." Then, as I was leaving for work, Wm calls out, "you look beautiful today, Mommy!"  I really like it when Wm gets up early!

Steve and I have plotted an amazing birthday surprise for Wm!  He will be THRILLED.  And he has no idea!  I can barely contain my own excitement!

Algebra

William is the smartest man alive.  We went out to chalk on the walk and he asked me to give him some math problems.  I kept making them harder and he kept getting them.  So I moved on to algebra.  Here are a couple of Wm's solutions....

3-x=-2  x=5

-4+x=2  x=6

(I realize one isn't oriented right, but I don't feel like rotating it. It's Monday.  Cut me some slack.)

As if to prove his sense of humor hasn't matured as quickly as his math skills, he popped up after the last picture and yelled, "I FARTED RIGHT AS YOU TOOK THAT PICTURE!  HAHAHAHA!"

Wm is Returned!!

Wm has returned home!!  And he has been full of hilarious things already!

First, when I told him Mimi was coming over, he asks, "is Guy coming with?"

Then, after he said his tummy felt fine all week at Grandma and Grandpa's, but hurt today, I looked sad and he patted me on the arm and goes, "it's not your fault, Mommy."  I go, "Well, jeez, dude...it has to be - what am I feeding you that hurts your tummy?" And he goes, "it's probably Daddy's fault."

I asked Wm if he'd be sad if we had no money to buy him birthday presents.  He goes, "YES!"  So I say, "Well, we could give you our love." And he says, totally in earnest, "that makes it better." Kid is getting one hell of a birthday present!  He probably planned this.

Wm came home with a little flyer toy that Steve promptly broke.  So we got him a Nerf gun to make up for it.  Steve says, "can I try it, Wm?" and Wm says, "No way - you can't be trusted to take care of my stuff anymore since you just break it."  HAHA!

Rock Stars

Tonight is our last night without Wm. And Steve and I raged like rock stars.  Rock stars who are home shortly after midnight.  Steve got totally drunk and was fast asleep 5 minutes after walking in the door.  We went to a bar in Grandview for karaoke.  Of course, Steve and I both wussed out on the singing.

But, here are Suzanne and Erin totally rocking (Note to Suz: I figured this was preferable to facebook...unless you give me one hundred American dollars.)



And here are Holly and Caleb bringing down the house:



Now it's 1AM and I am still awake!  I'm King of the World!   Now that we have all the excitement out of our systems, we are ready for Wm's return tomorrow.  Maybe he'll want to come to karaoke next time and sing some Adele.  Or, the SpongeBob song.  Whoooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Missing Willie

Steve: I miss Wm.
Me: You're funny.  He annoys you and you want him to leave you alone when he's here - then, he's gone for 5 minutes and you miss him and want him to come home!
Steve: I didn't say I wanted him to COME HOME.

Easter

We are Wm-less. He is staying up with Grandma and Grandpa.  Steve has already said, "I miss Wm," at least 3 times.  I'm not there yet. ;) But here are some pictures from this weekend...

Hippity Hoppity

Wm and I went out and drew a hopscotch game on the sidewalk.  I got some awesome actions shots...

Snuggle Friends

Wm is better!!!  He has gone all day sans fever. Back to school with him tomorrow!  He's been playing out in the sunshine all day and is eating normally.  THANK GOD.

Fun times....
Me: Hey, if I died, would you clone me if you could?
Steve: Would I have to raise you?  Cause I've seen video of you as a kid...aaaand...wow. No, thank you.
Me: Whatever!  I was easier than Wm, I think!  I just never slept, pretty much ever.  But, I would sleep fine as long as you let me sleep in your bed.  I just hated sleeping alone.  We could be snuggle friends!
Steve: Snuggle friends? Is that what you call it when you hog the entire bed and steal all the covers?
Me: I feel like that is a slight against our current snuggle situation.
Steve: Hmmmm.
Me: So you're saying you wouldn't clone me?
Steve: No. No, I wouldn't.
Burn.

Chess Club

Wm seems to be feeling much better today!  So far, no fever and no meds - and he's acting totally normal. He will not stop talking.  It's a constant stream of consciousness.  So, I definitely think he's on the mend!

Fun conversation with Wm this morning over breakfast...

Wm: You can't have babies unless you're married.
Me: Well, you CAN, but it makes it a lot easier on you if you're married.  Doing it alone probably sucks.
Wm: I am never having a baby.
Me: Why not?
Wm: I do not want it crying all the time or pooping all the time.
Me: Well, you cried all the time and pooped all the time.  I feel like I am owed grandchildren after all that.  It's your job.
Wm: Yeah.  No.  I peed on Daddy.  I do not want to get peed on.
Me: Just have a girl then, girls don't spray pee on you.
Wm: Cause they have vaginas.
ME: Indeed.

They have chess club at school and Wm wants to join, so during his illness, he had Steve teach him how to play chess.  He has demanded lots of chess playing.  I have been left out of it, mostly because I have no idea how to play chess.  But Wm wants another opponent, so he's now trying to teach me.  Since I also have no interest in playing chess, I am  not the best pupil.  But, Wm is determine.  I have a feeling I will be a crappy chess player within a week.  Under the guise of taping it so I could study it later (yeah, right), Wm allowed me to take a video of his first lesson.