Sleeptalker

Wm is a hilarious sleeptalker.  I was brushing my teeth the other night and I heard mumbling, so I went into his room to check it out.  All was quiet, so I just tucked the blankets around him and then went to leave.  But right then Wm sat up and stared intensely at me and yelled, "I TOLD YOU TO PUT IT IN THE BALL!" I go, "uhhh…what?" Then he flashed this 1,000 megawatt smile at me, hair sticking up every direction, laid his head back down, and started snoring.  He has no memory of this.  It was HILARIOUS.

Also, Wm made a weird paper hat and is very proud of it.  He insisted I take a picture of it.  So…here is the picture.

Dunce cap

Also, Schroeder sits in front of the door and waits for Wm to come home from school every day.  Only, I got home about 30 minutes early yesterday and threw off his cat timeline.  So he sat like this for nearly 40 minutes waiting for Wm to come home from school.  He never gave up.  He is a determined feline.

Wherefore art thou, Wm?

I know hearing someone else's dreams is boring, but I had a very strange and vivid one last night in which I sent Steve to Whole Foods to get Tofutti ice cream for me and he came home and told me that they didn't have it.  But I KNEW they did so I was SUPER angry at him.  I went to Whole Foods myself, found they had hung all the Tofutti from the ceiling (because of course they did) and was very smug that Steve was wrong.  Then, immediately, Steve did not exist anymore, I was back in college,  and I was having an affair with my married Persian college professor whose office was IN Whole Foods. It was a very confusing 2 minutes after the alarm went off.

Winter of my Discontent

I am so over this winter.  Wm was out of school for 2 days this week because of extreme cold…again.  On the first day, OSU canceled classes but said the University remained open.  So I took a vacation day and stayed home with Wm.  Day two, I brought Wm to work with me.  Which is always an experience.  Thankfully, he is back in school today because it is a balmy 9 degrees outside.

Wm used his time off school to follow the cat around and "bundle him up" because he said he "bet the cat is pretty cold."  At first, Schroeder wasn't so sure he liked being bundled up...

Unsure.

But then, he decided it was pretty awesome and took and epic nap...

Epically napping.

Wm then decided to stay in his pajamas and play MineCraft all day….

He also played in his room for 2 hours, read A Wrinkle in Time, did some homework (he has a big presentation on Benjamin Banneker he has to do on Feb 12 and has never used PowerPoint…or Wikipedia), and ran in circles around the house.  This was fabulous because it gave me time to read an entire book, work out, and watch 2 romantic comedies that Steve had no interest in.

While diving Wm to work with me, the car said the air temp was -4.  Plus it was windy. NOT HAPPY.

I showed Wm how to use PowerPoint while he was at work with me and he made a bunch of slides about poop.  And entertained himself by adding clip art of bombs.  Then, he wrote "POOP" on the dry erase board in our conference room.  And harassed my student assistant while he tried to work.  THANKFULLY, Steve came and got him at 12:30 and took him home.  

I am currently trying to talk Steve into moving someplace that is 70 degrees in January.  So far…I have not been successful.

Child Labor

We woke up this morning to SNOWPACOLYPSE. Wm, thank god, has discovered a love of shoveling.  Out he went and shoveled the whole driveway and sidewalk.  This is when the decision to spawn really pays off.

Best son ever!

Really working at it...

Then, about 2 hours after Wm shoveled we looked outside and it was just WHITE.  Everywhere.  So much snow was just falling/blowing/drifting/blizzarding.  Wm declared himself done with shoveling for the day, so I went out and shoveled anyway.  This winter is the worst.

MORE SNOW

I am constantly ostracized for disliking/sucking at video games...

Wm: Daddy, will you come and lay on the couch with me and play MineCraft?

Steve: Not right now, buddy.  Later.

Wm: [sigh]

Me: [excitedly] I'LL COME LAY WITH YOU, WM! 

Wm: Nah.

Will

We finally sat down with a lawyer and had our will drawn up.  We have been meaning to do that for 7 years.  Thank god we didn't die. Today we had to go in and sit with the lawyer and have it signed, witnessed, and notarized.  The notary lady LOVED Wm and let him play with her stamp and gushed all over him the whole time.  So after we left I go, "that nice lady really liked you!" Without missing a beat, Wm goes, "everyone likes me."

I have spoken of Schroeder's intense yowling.  I decided to record what greeted me when I got home from work yesterday.  This is a small sample, but it continues, unbated, until you pay attention to him.  I didn't have the heart to ignore him too long, so it's just a taste.  He is intense.

Certified Genius

Wm came home with his report card today. Which was awesome.  But, even more interesting were his Terra Nova grade level achievement tests.  Wm, overall, scored in the 98th percentile of second graders nation-wide.  In reading, he did not miss one question and scored in the 99/99th percentile!!  Even better than math (where he got 98th percentile).  So, basically, we have affirmed once again that Wm is a suuuuuuper genius.  

Also, I enjoyed reading Wm's homework answers today.  The kids had to read this huge essay all about the life and achievements of MLK.  Then they had to answer all kinds of questions about what they read. The last question was, "Summarize what this reading is all about." Wm's answer: "Martin Luther King." Wm is concise.

I woke up to this on my phone...

Steve…super spy

Cocoa Nibs

Me: Hey, Wm, want to try a cocoa nib?

Wm: What's a cocoa nib?

Me: It's raw chocolate.  Like a dried chocolate bean type thing.  

Wm: YES.

Me: Here ya go!

Wm: Ewwww!!!!  What IS this?!?

Steve: It's RAW chocolate.  It has no sugar…it's just like…off the plant.

Wm: WHO WOULD MAKE THIS?

Me: No one made it.  The plant made it.  

Wm: WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THIS?

Me: No one made it!! 

Wm: Who would BUY this?

Steve: Mommy.  Mommy would buy it.

Me: In my defense, they are really good in trail mix.

Wm: [Look of horror] No. NO.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I made tuna salad for Steve and I to take for lunch tomorrow and Schroeder LOST his mind.  I made the mistake of giving him a little bit since he was yowling hysterically.  It did not appease him.  Then he sat and licked my fingers with his creepy cat tongue obsessively.  I finally had to go wash my hands to get him to leave me alone.  

So that's a Wm NO on the cocoa nibs and a Schroeder HELL YEAH on the tuna.

Steve is still showing off his phone.  First he sent me this "photo effect" he was all thrilled with:

Then I noticed he even gave it a jazzy name (Note: everything else is in my name since I get an OSU discount and we never bothered to change what they put in at the store…I am not weirdly controlling all Apple products).  Steve is clearly enjoying himself.

Fun Weekend

We have had a busy, but super fun, weekend!  Steve got an iPhone 5S.  Well, really, I got an iPhone 5S, but I gave it to Steve because I am a saint.  He's not eligible for an upgrade until August, so I gave him mine since my phone is fine and his was buggy. He is thrilled with life.  And insufferable.  The gloating is intense.  He sent me this picture to show me how "crisp and amazing" his camera is:

Gotta admit…that is pretty damn crisp

Meanwhile, I have no cause for complaint since I have had a weekend of pampering.  I went and had a massage yesterday (pretty sore after that, actually).  It was a therapeutic massage, because insurance covers those.  So he worked out all my knots fairly vigorously.  But it was only a $20 copay! And, the whole thing was extremely spa-like. Then, today, Suzanne and I went for manicures at Nurtur.  Feeling pretty fancy!

We got a couple inches of snow and Wm decided he wanted to go out and build a snowman.  It wasn't much snow, and what we had wasn't great for packing.  But none of this deterred Wm and he did manage to scrounge together a passable snowman!

Pink cheeks! 

Wm: Wouldn't it be great if I grew up and became a massage therapist and could give you massages for free?

Me: That would be AWESOME.  You know…you could just give me massages now for free. 

Wm: Nah.

Steve: Do you know what NFL stands for, Wm?
Wm: National Football League.
Steve: Did you already know that?
Wm: No…it's obvious.  They play FOOTBALL in a LEAGUE that is NATIONAL.
Steve just got served.

Happy 65th, Mimi!

Is this the cutest thing you've ever seen?  I love the cat's funny rabbit feet sticking up.

We went to Mimi's 65th 29th birthday party yesterday and it was super fun.  Happy Birthday, Mimi! I decided to wear my fancy jacket and thought I looked rather dapper.  But when I came downstairs, Steve laughed at me and told me I looked like the Hobbit.  Rude.

Wm continues to be awesome.  He was incredibly well behaved at Mimi's party - and even ate a bunch of food!

We are plotting our next trip to Denver.  I think we are going to take the train this time (therapy fail on the flying front).  I'm feeling very European!  We are throwing around the idea of a 1-2 day layover in Chicago on the way.  We'll have to see how everyone's schedule pans out.  But we are all SUUUUPER excited to see Griffin and Evvie (I guess we'll tolerate having to see Drew and Jess in order to get cuddles from the kiddos!)

Nothing else exciting is going on.  Which is good. Quiet is good. 

Water

Me: We should sign you up for swim lessons again.
Wm: NO.
Me: Wm, you need to learn how to swim. For reals.
Wm: NO!  NEVER! NNNNNEEEEVVVVEEEERRRR!
Me: What is your deal, man?
Wm: I am uncomfortable in water. Period.

So...I guess that's that.

Bookshelf Bed

Wm and I are off again today!!  Wheeee!!!  The cold snap ends today, so we'll be going back tomorrow.  Schroeder seems confused by our continued presence.  And we have discovered his super secret favorite place to nap.  Weirdly...our bookshelf.  Schroeder is usually annoyingly social and refuses to be in a different room than everyone (and YOWLS if we lock him out of the bedroom or bathroom while we're in there), so when Wm and I realized we hadn't seen him in a while, we got nervous about his well-being.  Finally....we located him.

Just chillin'

We found that he returned there again and again throughout the day to catch little naps.  And he's up to the same thing today!  It's actually the cutest thing ever!  He looks like a little cat statue.

Displeased the flash woke him up.

Day 2: Out like a light

Steve is at work...again.  He is a little bit bitter about the cold today.  He bought flannel lined jeans in the fall and forgot to wear them AND he forgot to take the leftover chili in for lunch today.  He's STILL sick, to boot.  Steve doesn't get colds often, but they sure knock him down when he does!  BUT, I did convince him he should watch Sherlock and join the Benedict Cumberbatch Fan Club!  So now I have one viewing partner for each of my favorite BBC shows!  Cheerio!

Snow Day!

Wm and I are both off today!  "Snow day" is misleading since everything is canceled due to the temperature - not snow. Wm and I have spent the day snuggling under a blanket and watching Downton Abbey. Steve refuses to watch Downton with me, but Wm was game!  He said it was good, except that they "talked funny." Wm also did not get the concept of the aristocracy and kept insisting the servants were slaves that the Earl locked in his basement and asked why they wouldn't run away.  I kept trying to explain it was their job and they were paid - and they could quit and leave at any time, but it was a different time and that's all they knew.  He wasn't buying it. Clearly Wm isn't cut out for service.

Cuddly kitten/Downton time

Steve went to work today because he's insane.  He's still feeling crumby and the TV says it feels like -21 out, but off he went!  He said it "didn't feel that cold." Crazy!

Chef William

I was very annoyed with Wm's picky eating this weekend after I realized I had cooked a meal for Steve and I and then cooked an entirely different meal for Wm nearly every time we ate.  Cooking special meals was something I swore I'd never do. But I had fallen into the trap!!  Since Wm literally gags and/or vomits if forced to eat something he doesn't like, I know he's not messing around - and it really ruins my dinner to watch him over there gagging.  Not pleasant.  After I googled some tips on dealing with picky eaters a couple things happened....
- I discovered Wm is seriously not that picky.  Some of the other parents on there are dealing with crazy stuff that I never even dreamt about.  At least Wm eats a fresh fruit/vegetable with every meal.  Some kids NEVER do. And they eat So. Much. Sugar. Wm rarely even has dessert after a meal.
- I need to chill out about Wm's eating, getting upset doesn't help anything.
- Wm is old enough to deal with his own business.
So we started a new meal time program this evening!  Wm can eat what I have cooked - or he can cook his own dinner (he must include a main dish, at least one fruit or vegetable, and one side dish).  For now, I am supervising/helping, but I told him he has to be 100% self sufficient by his 8th birthday.  Tonight, Wm cooked himself a hotdog (all natural, nitrate-free!), baby carrots, and chips. He ate it all.  Happily.  And got Jello for dessert.  It was a pleasant meal.  Amazing.  He even tried 2 bites of the chili I made!  Of course, he didn't like it...but trying it is progress!  Usually he will just lick at something and then claim it's "gross."

We all have a yucky cold.  Steve rarely gets colds, so he is miserable (both feeling and to be around).  Wm has it too, but does not believe it to be so.  I made some comment about the whole family being sick and Wm goes, "I'm not sick!" Then loudly sneezed. He also fell down the stairs HARD yesterday - it sounded like someone had dropped a dozen bowling balls down the stairs.  I go, "Oh my god, man, are you OK?" and he goes, "yeah...why?" and got up and walked away as if nothing had occurred.  Yet it is drizzling rain and he keeps asking me if we are going to have a tornado.  He's a weird one!

Wm is very hopeful there will be no school tomorrow!  I figure he's probably right.  Probably Tuesday as well.  It would be very convenient if OSU closed as well so I could sleep off this cold.  Steve, meanwhile, says he is going to work no matter what - and he's the sickliest of us all!

COLD

I woke up this morning and the car said it was -1 degrees outside.  My phone says it is a balmy 1 degree...

The HIGH is 3 on Tuesday.  I have started haranguing Steve to move to Austin, TX.  He is not game…so far.  Maybe by Wednesday, he will be.  

Today is Wm's last official day of winter vacation.  He is very sad to be returning to school.  He LOVES going to camp and is distressed that it is all coming to an end.  With temps that low, they were saying schools may actually cancel next week.  I haven't mentioned that to Wm because it will just get his hopes up!  

In other news, Wm read the word "prodigious" yesterday, first attempt, like it was nothing.  Then, when highly praised, was all, "so what?"  Kid doesn't even need school - because I guarantee "prodigious" wasn't on any spelling test! (Also, I can't spell guarantee…never have, never will - thank you, spell check.  Thank god Wm did not inherit my spelling abilities. WHY can I never put the "u" in the right place?!!??)

Oh, also, Steve is fun.  I asked him if I had a ferret-face and he goes, "No, not at all!" Then he paused and goes, "You have a badger-face."  HAHAHA!

2014

We stole an idea from Jess and rung in the new year by having a bunch of appetizers, watching movies, and camping out downstairs.  I was asleep by 10:30, but Wm made it all the way until 11:30!  The first movie we watched was the Great Outdoors and Wm's take on John Candy was: "fat dudes are funny."

Daddy and Wm camping out.

Schroeder and I looking vicious

Steve and I return to work tomorrow.  Which sucks because we all have a cold and we are supposed to get a big snow storm overnight.  So our return to work is marked by illness and hazardous driving conditions.  Not cool.  Wm is still off until Monday, but he is really looking forward to going to day camp!  He was actually pretty annoyed that they were closed today and he has to hang out with Steve and I all day.