Wm on Vaca

Because I forgot to take any more pictures, there will be no Part II to the Xtreme Xmas 2011.  But, rest assured Wm had a GREAT Christmas!

Willie the Wonderkid is currently on hiatus because Wm is vacationing with Grandma and Grandpa in Warren.  He returns this weekend.  I'm sure he will be full of all the evilness he is currently bottling up to save for us.  Steve and I are painting his bedroom furniture to surprise him!!

Oh, one story from last week I forgot!  Wm was again talking about jalapeno being weird and I said it phonetically like this: hall-uh-peen-yo.  Wm goes, "Uh, Mommy, it's pronounced like this: hall-uh-PAYN-yo."  I was like, "You are exactly right, Wm.  Touche....touche."

Merry Christmas!

At 5:19AM we hear a little voice call out, "Santa came!  He left a present in my room!  Can I get up now?"  We told Wm he could have the present in his room, but he had to lay back down until 6AM - we thought he'd go back to sleep.  Nope.  So we've been up since 5:19AM.  Wm is THRILLED with life, though!  So here is Part I of Xtreme Xmas 2011:

The haul before "Santa" went up to bed

Wm opening

GAMES!

There's candy in this here stocking!

Meet Tatanka the bison.  He is Wm's new pillow pet.  Santa left him in Wm's room with a note and a candy cane.  Wm LOVES Tatanka.  We had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and Tatanka sat at the table with us. (If you're wondering why "Tatanka," another viewing of Dances with Wolves is in order.)

Wm is currently building his 4th lego set.  He is running on pure adrenaline.  We watched A Christmas Carol this morning.  Something I wish I didn't know: you have time to open Christmas presents, put together a bunch of lego sets, make and eat chocolate chip pancakes, take a horribly unrestful nap on the couch, and watch A Christmas Carol if you get up at 5:19AM. 

Part II of Xtreme Xmas 2011 coming soon... 

Cookie Monster

Wm and I made Christmas cookies this morning.  And I am exhausted.  I had to clean the kitchen 3 times (when Wm "helps," it's like a hurricane hit) and then I had to clean the dining room like a mad women - frosting and sprinkles were smeared from one end to the other.  But cookies are made and things are clean! I need a nap.

Cookie canvasses waiting for The Artist of Frosting

The Artist is IN

And is happy

Wm's "super fancy cookie" on which he used all frosting colors and sprinkle options

The finished product.  Santa will be pleased.

Seriously

Wm: I wrote you a note. [it read: I love you and your work. Sirisli.]
Me: That is so nice! Guess what - "seriously" is one of those words that has lots of vowels.  It's spelled like this [demonstration]
Wm: Spelling is weird.
Me: They do say English is a very hard language to learn because it's so crazy!  And you are doing GREAT with your spelling!
Wm: Yeah, English is hard.  Like, the "j" in jalapeno sounds like an "h."
Me: Well, actually, jalapeno is...never mind.  Never mind.  Yeah, jalapeno is funny.
Wm: Yeah.

It's the Holiday Season

Today was Wm's last day of school before winter break - and he got to BLUE!  They made gingerbread houses and had a holiday party this afternoon.  I was able to be there for the tail end.  Wm always gets very excited when Mom comes to his classroom!  He was super cute and kept running over to show off his stuff.  As I walked in, I heard his teacher telling another mom how "funny William stuffed candy inside his gingerbread house until it busting at the seams."  That's m'boy!  There was some candy spillage, but Wm is enjoying it nonetheless.  He was allowed to eat 3 pieces off when we got home.

Wm has been busily singing holiday songs and making a holiday card for his dad since we got home.  He's definitely in the holiday spirit!  He gets to go to work with Mom tomorrow and Dad Thursday.  Then...AND THEN...he and I are going to make millions of Christmas cookies on Friday!  Wm says he wants to leave 40 cookies for Santa to eat.  

Skater

We took Wm ice skating for the fist time today.  We thought he may be freaked out by how slippery the ice was - but he LOVED it.  We had to literally drag him out of there after hours of skating. Both Steve and I were dying...our old dogs were barkin'.  But Wm refused to leave until he saw the zamboni.  He also watched a kid's hockey game on another rink and was fascinated that kids could play hockey!  But, the highlight of the trip for him was probably when Santa skated out.  Wm shyly skated over to Santa and talked to him.  He was THRILLED.  Santa even told Wm he was very proud of how well he was skating!  Wm said he thought Santa came to the ice rink because it was cold, like the North Pole.  As we were leaving, Wm asked if he could go ice skating every day.  I wanted to get a lot of pictures, but my phone died right after I snapped this one of Wm getting ready to go out onto the ice:

Today, in pictures

First, Wm discovered the padded bra inserts I had removed from new underthings.  He didn't know what they were and decided they would make a great hat.

Then I went and got all my hair chopped off again (and took a phone self portrait, nearly blinding myself).

THEN, Wm actually ate BROCCOLI at dinner!

And so it ends...

The string of "nicenis" is at an end.  Wm had a huge, evil tantrum last night when it was time to go get into the bath.  He was OUT of control.  I think he realized just how far he pushed things because this morning he kept trying to give me gifts and look apologetic (note: the "gifts" were things like crumpled construction paper he "made for me," pictures that had been hanging on the wall of his bedroom, and lego parts - so basically anything on hand that he could say was a "present for you").  It was good while it lasted....

Steve is (almost) 35!

I made Steve's birthday dessert today.  Steve isn't a big cake person so he gets to pick what I make instead. This year he picked Buckeye Pie.  Once it was made, Steve could not resist breaking into it - even though his birthday is tomorrow.  So we had a little early bird Steve Birthday Celebration.

Here's the pie:

Chocolate graham crust, layer of chocolate, layer of reeces's, whipped peanut butter cream, then more crushed up reeces's and chocolate drizzle.  YES.

Here is Steve drunk with pie (and minus 30 candles):

And here is Steve once he realized I was taking pictures:

In other news, in preparation for the pie I did a workout video entitled, "Cardio Crush: Dance Party!"  And, as my body attempted to recreate the fluid dance moves of the ladies on the DVD, it became clear that I lack any sort of control of my movements.  It was really quite disturbing - I hadn't realized just how uncoordinated I am.  Here is, what I believe to be, the best likeness of me attempting Dance Party!

God is a Boy

Wm was talking about God yesterday and he goes, "so He lives in heaven." And I say, "or She."  Wm pauses for a minute and looks thoughtful then says, "no, I think God is a boy's name."

Hat

Wm got off the bus today wearing this hat:

I said, "I like your wizard hat!" And he said, "It's not a wizard hat.  It for some holiday and we made it at school.  Not Christmas...not Chanukah..." So I go, "Kwanzaa?" Wm says, "YES!  That's it!"  So we got home and I asked take a picture of him in his Kwanzaa hat - I got out the camera and said, "smile!"  Wm yells, "MERRY KWANZO!"  

Willie the Wonderkid, No Seriously

Wm has been weirdly, WEIRDLY, nearly amazingly good the past couple days.  He was an angel yesterday morning getting ready, was all green all day at school, came home and was so good it was scary, and then woke up today and was equally good.  He took a bath (usually a tortuous, tear-filled event) with good humor and even got his face wet and didn't freak out.  Steve and I can't figure out what's going on.  But we're not complaining.

Part of it may be that I decided to introduce some weekly inducements.  Now, we have Taco Tuesday and Wm gets tacos every Tuesday, as well as family game night after.  Then, Friday is Movie Night - and each family member gets to take turns picking a movie and we get to eat in front of the TV (which is NEVER allowed) and it's always pizza and popcorn...more Willie Favs.  He is creepily excited about these things - and, having something to look forward to seems to make him chillax a bit.

I was telling Steve I'm afraid Wm is growing up in a really insular way and we should do more to expose him to different things and cultures.  I (mostly kidding because, as anyone knows, it's an expedition for me to spend one night in a luxury cabin in the Hocking Hills - I am not a happy traveler) told Steve we should sell all our worldly belongings and travel the world as modern nomads.  (I follow a blog where a family does this and I live vicariously through them.)  Steve pauses for a minute, grabs the remote control, flips on the TV and says, "I just got a sweet TV - I'm not going anywhere."

No, Seriously

Wm has taken to saying, "I am being serious - I am not even kidding right now."  So, a typical conversation would go...

Wm: I want a cookie.
Me: Nice try.
Wm: I am being serious!  I am not even kidding right now!
Me: I know, dude.  You're stil not getting a cookie.
Wm: hmph.

It's like he thinks if we know he's totally serious, whatever he says goes.  As if he didn't get his every wish only because we thought he was kidding around.

Because Wm has had a string of nicenis (heehee!) I made him chocolate nutella whoopie pies.  He is a BIG fan.  Unfortunately, so is Steve...so they are disappearing rather quickly.  I am currently in planning for what to make Steve for his birthday!

Tasty Murder

Wm's favorite thing to eat is currently tacos (I say "currently" since it seems to change constantly).  I was making tacos for dinner last night when I realized I had no cheese - and Wm's "tacos" consist of meat and cheese.  So I called Steve and asked him to stop for cheese on his way home from work.  He just ran to Kroger on his way home since he drives right passed it.  He runs in as I'm putting together the tacos and starts adding cheese to Wm's taco and Wm screams, "HEY! That's not ORGANIC cheese!  There are chemicals in that!"  (This whole "Wm can read" thing is a real drag - I had a HUGE battle with him trying to get him to go in to pee while we were out because he saw the door said "women" and he is a boy - he wanted to go into the men's room alone...not happening.) So, to placate him, I say, "Oh, no, bud...it's cheese.  There are no chemicals in non-organic cheese.  It's probably just from tortured, hormone-filled cows."  Wm says, "Oh, OK." And eats it up.  Wm cares very little for the plight of the animals he eats.  I saw a guy wearing this on tshirt and wished they made it in kid sizes...it would be perfect for Wm!

Wm is very concerned about chemicals in his food.  He made me show him how to read ingredient lists and spot things that could be "chemicals."  To maintain my sanity, I went with the grossest thing and told him to look out for that (artificial coloring - like red#40 or blue#60).  So, at least, Wm will not eat things with artificial coloring!  Beware if you try to serve Wm something that has a color and a number listed in the ingredients!  He will freak the freak out. I told him about organic food and now he feels safe eating anything that says organic on it and will not read the ingredient list.  Otherwise, he checks all his food labels. He is an intense little creature. 

Wm had a GREAT day yesterday!  He came home ALL GREEN ALL DAY and then was really nice all evening. They are doing a letter writing unit at school, working on an opening, greeting, body, and closing.  So all the kids had to write a letter to someone.  Wm's read:

      Dear Mom, 

      I will be nice now.  As long as I get what I want all the time.

      Love,

      William

EVIL

Wm's "color report" was very entertaining today.  See if you can spot the inconsistencies:

On the bus ride home, Wm erased "yellow" and checked "green."  He also erased the word "tough" and changed it to "good."  Luckily, he's not very sneaky yet.  This does not bode well for his teenage years.  Steve and I made sure to hide our mirth and acted very stern about changing things from the teacher, but then went into the kitchen and laughed our butts off.  

So then later this evening, Wm continued on his Path of Evilness.  He was so awful that he ended up getting sent to his room without anyone to play with him. About 10 minutes later, he sent down the pink note.  Then, when he was not allowed out of his room, the red "book" followed.  The "book" is filled with pictures of Mom and Dad and information about how awesome and nice they are.

The first, pink, note reads:

I will be nice now.  I will not throw food on the floor anymore - never again.

The second, red, book (cover) reads:

William. To: Mom and Dad.  The Book of Nicenis [sic]

It's kind of hard to stay mad at the kid.  But I managed.  Oh yeah...I managed.  

Funny Stuff Wm Said Today

While working on a homework assignment that included cutting out paper dominos and adding the numbers on them together...
Wm: Should I cut this line between the dominos?
Me: No, that's what dominos look like - they have two sides.
Wm: [skeptical] hmph.
3 minutes later...
Wm: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
Wm: I'm concerned that we're supposed to be cutting those lines.

While eating dinner...
Wm: Hey, look at my sandwich!  I ate it into the shape of a gah-postrophe!
Steve: What is a "gah-postrophe"??
Wm: Uh, like the punctuation. [looks to me, scoffing at his father's ignorance of grammar]
Me: I think you mean apostrophe.
Wm: Oh, yeah. Apostrophe.

Feeling Better

Wm is feeling much better!  A big thanks to Aunt Jess and Mimi for their help!  Aunt Jess sent a super awesome link with info about all different kinds of religions (Wm's least favorite was Buddhism because it said greed was the root of all evil and you should give up wordly goods, and his most favorite was Christianity because "as long as you're nice, you can live with God forever!" Just knowing that there is a "living forever" seriously calmed him down.) And Mimi sent a book about dying with Freddy the Leaf.  So Wm is developing his own little belief system (which seems to be: I want stuff, but I also want to live forever - I'm willing to be sorta nice to make that happen).

And - in other news - today it has been 15 years since I started dating Steve.  He doesn't like to celebrate our "dating" anniversary anymore.  But, to me, it's even more meaningful because it's when we fell in love, not when we signed a piece of paper.  So - here's to 15 years of lovin' Steve!  When I reminded him it's our 15 year anniversary, Steve's response was: "we're old."  He's such a romantic.

Help...

Wm started crying last night as he laid in bed, so I go in and ask what's wrong and he wails, "I don't want to die!"  No idea where this is coming from.  He tells me he's afraid it will be "pitch black and nothing" when he dies and that scares him.  He's got big, fat tears rolling down his cheeks.  So I'm panicking because he's clearly very upset and I have no idea what to say.  I start out with a speech about how he's very young and has a lot of years to live and when he's very old, he will be ready to die and rest.  Wm is not buying it.  I start wracking my brain.  So I go, "Well, did you know lots of people think when you die that something awesome happens?"  He finally stopped crying and looked interested.  I ask him if he's heard of God and he shook his head.  So I try to give him a basic rundown of God and Heaven and the afterlife.  FINALLY he seems a little bit comforted.  But I am not religious at all and don't know much beyond the very basic beliefs of any religion at all.  So I'm trying to figure out ways to explain what different religions believe to a 5 year old kid terrified of dying and needing to believe in a happy afterlife.  If anyone has anything...I'm all ears.  I've been searching for books online, but most are indoctrination-type texts, not really explaining the religion.  My plan is to just expose him to all the biggies and let him make up his own mind about what he believes. Any assistance with this would be greatly appreciated!

The Great TV Wars

Steve has been trying to wear me down for years - he wants a big 'ole TV.  So, finally, I grew weary of the battle and told him if he can raise all the funds he needs to get the TV he wants through birthday/Christmas, he can do whatever he wants - on the condition that he finds a way for me to move my fireplace heater into the living room.  Because I have been trying wear him down about getting some sort of heating element that will keep me warm in the winter.  It's been a mutual wearing down.

So...it began.  Steve created architectural drawings and scale models of our living room trying to figure out a way to reconfigure everything so that a big TV will fit, as well as my heater.  After a week or so, he threw in the towel and said, "forget it...it's impossible."  Then, right as he gave up, he had a brain storm.  So we have spent the entire morning furiously moving furniture.  Steve discovered old, braided wiring where he wants his new fancy TV to go, so the whole business has become even more intense.  Steve is, as I type, drilling something into my floor...I don't even want to know (now he's scurried to the basement where horrible sounds are emerging).  He's sweaty and disheveled...he is a man on a mission.  A mission for a big TV.  And, if you know Steve, you know he doesn't mess around.  Once he got started, he didn't stop.  Our entire first floor has now been reconfigured.  My back is going to hurt tomorrow.  But Steve is VERY pleased with himself.  We are now getting ready to leave for Best Buy so that he can start scouting TV's. --  Holy god, I hear him sawing something down there.  SAWING.  This can't be good.

Wm says, "I like the way you changed around the furniture, Daddy!"  We ate lunch at the newly moved dining room table and then Wm was all, "I don't know about this..."  But, when told we're getting a bigger TV he can game on, he was all about it.

You'll notice my little fireplace heater under the stockings!  And the TV is across the room on the old coffee table - thus opening up the room.  I hate to admit it, but it does look way bigger and more open this way.  Kudos to Steve. (You'll see Wm iPaddin' on the couch.)

Steve moved our dining table back to toward the rear of the room and shifted the shelving unit to the front.  We put a little bench behind the dining table that you can't see from this angle.  But it's very cute!  Again...props to Steve.

From the sound of things, Steve has now broken out his heavy duty drill thing.  I think Best Buy just got backburnered.  If I know Steve at all, he will come up here shortly, hair in every direction and wild-eyed screaming, "Where is my cell phone?!?!  I have to call my dad..."