Socially Awkward Weirdos

Steve and Wm are now arguing over who is the bigger socially awkward weirdo...

Me: Hey, can one of you tell the coach that Wm won't be at soccer next week because we'll be in Toronto?
Steve: Wm, you do it.
Wm: No! YOU!
Steve: He's your coach. You tell him.
Wm: I don't want to. You do it.
Me: Really?
Steve: I am more socially awkward that you, Wm! You talk to him!
Wm: NO WAY! I am more socially awkward! You do it!
Steve: Cory, who is more socially awkward? Me or Wm?
Cory: Definitely Wm.
Wm: HA! Told you. You have to tell him.
Steve: Noooooo!!!

This whole fight is over who had to walk up to Wm's soccer coach and just be like, "Hey, we won't be here next week because we'll be out of town." I can't even.

Wm and I are home tomorrow for his last day of spring break. Our "window" for carpet installation is 8am-5pm. Soooo - we will be hanging around the house a lot! Then getting cancer from the new carpet off-gassing. Not looking forward to that. I am also not looking forward to dealing with worker guys. As awkward as Steve is, in general, is as awkward as I am with workers in my house. I am usually like, "So...should I just, like, go over here out of the way? Do you need anything? Can I get you something to drink? Or is that not a thing that happens...I don't know. Should I show you where the carpet is? Oh, it's right here. Here it is! Riiiight here. I'll just...go...over to where I said...there. Holler if you need me. Or...not. Whatever. I mean...do your thing. Errr. Bye." God help me if they have a question about something related to the house, such as where the water shut off is or where a pipe is located. Steve, strangely, is super competent at that and talks to them all manly-like and they seem to respect him and treat him like he knows what's happening (probably because he knows where all the pipes and stuff are). It's basically why I keep him around.

Wm came to work with me today and was a delight. I took him out to lunch at Whole Foods and got him a piece of pizza - and also filled a container with fruits and veggies from the salad bar. And Wm ate zucchini AND peas! WHAT. Glorious day! He was rewarded with a cookie. The entire day was spent, otherwise, in my waiting room playing on the computer. He had the time of his life.

Flowers!

Since it was so gorgeous yesterday, we took a family walk. And the flowers are starting to bloom in the ravine! Spring is in the air!! This wasn't even a bad winter, but any winter is not good. So I am still thrilled that it's warming up!

Flower in his button hole

Steve...not a photographer.

 

The Boys and The Flowers

Wm: Don't pick me up by the armpits. I don't like it.

Steve: [ignore]

Wm: I will bite you if you pick me up!

Steve: [ignore]

Wm:

 

Wm is off (hopefully) enjoying his day at Clubhouse. He said he had a great Easter! After our walk, we did a bunch of yard work and other spring-time outdoor chores. It is always so nice to get outside after winter and get everything looking nice! Steve planned his gardens and we put away Wm's sleds. Ahhhh....spring!

Also...

Me: You enter the numbers, then hit the pound sign.

Wm: What is a pound sign?

Me: Dude. The POUND SIGN. The numbers symbol?

Wm: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Me: Well, I don't know how else to explain it. Ugh. Wait. Hashtag?

Wm: Oh. Yeah. Hashtag. Why didn't you say so? 

Me: Most depressing conversation ever.

Wm: #you'reold

And, lastly, the invitations have gone out for Wm's birthday sleep over. 5 little boys up in my space. Using my bathroom. Farting all over my house. I told Steve I am going to fake my own death and start a new life someplace else before May. Farewell, world!

Easter

We had a blast coloring eggs! We used an all natural dye so we could actually eat the eggs this year - even though the colors weren't quite as vibrant, it's nice not to waste the eggs! And Wm was pleased with the result, so all was well.

The face of concentration

Proud of his egg

Finished product

We woke up this morning and Wm got his easter basket and a little present (his own little plant that he can take care of and grow). Wm was super pleased! Then Mimi and Guy came over and we did an Easter egg hunt and had brunch. Wm found all his eggs (even though I forgot where I hid one!)

And now we are off to enjoy the 70 degree start to Wm's spring break!

Willie-Yum-Yum

Most excitingly, Steve met Cardale Jones! He said he was "enormous" and "nice." I think this may be as excited as I have ever seen Steve:

Steve at his most excited.

Wm is officially on spring break! He is at work with Steve today (much to Steve's chagrin). Next week, he heads to Clubhouse on MTW, then to work with me on Thursday - and we are both off together next Friday while we get our new carpets installed! I told Wm that he has to clean his room and we have to pack up all his little things and move them out for the day. He said it's a good time to update his room and get rid of "little kid things." So, this weekend, he and I are going to scour his room, clean it, and make it into a big kid room! 

Also this weekend we will be coloring eggs and preparing for a gorgeous, 70 degree Easter day! Mimi and Guy are coming over for brunch and Easter egg hunting. Wm says after elementary school, he will be too big to do Easter eggs anymore. So this is our penultimate year of Easter egging. Kinda sad.

Steve must have had a dark childhood. Wm came home from school and said all his friends had spent their lunch thinking nicknames for each other. Wm's made me laugh, so I texted Steve, "Wm's friends gave him a nickname!" Immediately, Steve texted back, "Oh no! Is it mean?" Wtf? Steve is not a "glass half full" kind of guy, apparently. These are nerdy 10 year olds. They aren't engaging in evil, Machiavellian plots to belittle each other via cleverly mean nicknames. Wm's nickname? "Willie-Yum-Yum."

Strings Explosion!

We went to Wm's very fancy (and giant) concert this evening. He played 3 songs with the 4th grade strings and one grand finale with 4 elementary schools, the middle school, and high school. He did a great job! It was also super awesome for Steve and I - we got to dump him off for his rehearsal and potluck and go out to a nice dinner sans kid! Everyone wins!

Busted

After Wm discovered his blog and posted to it, he went back and read a bunch of past entries. He thought the ones about Trump were hilarious - and loved that I said Trump better watch out for Wm's lunch table. But then he goes, "[GASP!] Mum!!! You used the f-word!" So now I'm in trouble. He also thought it was quite funny that I drooled on his shoulder. So I sort of made up for it.

Mimi took Wm on his seasonal clothes shopping trip this morning. He got lots of cute things for spring/summer! Then she is taking him to a violin concert this afternoon, so Wm is very excited!! But we had to go to 2 different stores to get his clothes and then I had the audacity to stop at the grocery store immediately following. As we walked in, Wm goes, "I am not being List Manager today!" So I said, "That's OK. I appreciate you coming at all, I know you don't want to be here." So then he looked down for a minute and goes, "I was just kidding. I will be List Manager." Guilt. Works every time.

Then, as we were carrying the bags into the house, Wm goes, "You carry the heavy bag now - but when I am big and you are old, I will carry the heavy bag." Circle of life, man.

Wm's website codes on khan academy!

Wm has been learning how to build websites coding in html. This is his first entry on his own blog! He coded it in html instead of using the composing tool that morons like me have to use. So, without further ado, here is Wm:

my own website codes!!

Terraria website 1 (with link to next one!)

Terraria website 2 (with link to first one!)

Khan Academy. Math, coding & more!

It was really fun to make these websites with HTML code! They are really interesting even though I don't really have to do much other than type in things like "<li><a href="https://www.khanacademy.org">Khan Academy. Math, coding & more!</a></li>" They are so cool for so little code and I didn't even think I could do that! I have learned one of my new favorite hobbies by looking around for coding lessons online. And, they happened to be on my math homework website!

Spring Breakin'

I am back at work. I was off Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week since OSU is on spring break. It was glorious. Wm also enjoyed it because he got to sleep in and skip Before School and just walk up to school at the regular time. It was a nice way to ease into the time change! I got lots done! I cleaned the house like a fiend, painted the front door, read a bunch, went to see the new Tina Fey movie, voted so that Trump would not win Ohio, wandered in the antique shops on High St, and took long walks and naps. I am really looking forward to retirement! Wm's spring break is the week after next. He is looking forward to his own vacation! It's super rare to have a nice spring break, but it was warm and sunny every day. Hopefully Wm has a nice one too! He's only back at school for a week before we pull him out again to go to Toronto. His school is weirdly intense about absences, so I'm hoping they don't give me too much trouble about him missing school to take a trip. I have all kinds of reasons why it will be educational prepared.

Wm got home from school yesterday, walked in the door, and goes, "You know...I really like the way our house is decorated. It's really nice." Haha! He is a fan of the green door I painted. I told him to wait until the new carpet shows up! He won't know what hit him!!

Steve, meanwhile, judged me harshly for how I spent my vacation (special note: for those that don't know, Steve is not being mean  - he's teasing because he does something similar EVERY DAY.)

Snuggles

Not only was yesterday a gorgeous day, but we had a visit from Grandma and Grandpa! As an added bonus, we went to the North Market and hit up Destination Donuts and got a Nutella Bomb donut that was life changing. Here is Wm enjoying his pre-donut pizza (basically, he's a health nut, is what I'm saying):

Steve had to get up and go to work this morning, so he is very tired with the time change. Wm was a big helper when we went to Whole Foods this morning and finished off the grocery shopping. He is always the List Manager and Bag Carrier. He says he is going to help me cook dinner, so he's being very nice today!

Steve has been snapping picture of me (unbeknownst to me) snuggling with various creatures...

Cat nap

And here Wm and I are watching a documentary on the Dalai Lama. (Shortly after this picture was taken, I fell asleep and drooled all over Wm's shoulder. Fun times.)

Taken Aback

Wm told us a story the other day that cracked us up. They were talking politics in social studies (with a relatively new-to-the-school teacher). Apparently the discussion got heated, 4th grade style, and the class was lobbing some intense vitriol at conservatives (and, particularly, Donald Trump). So, the teacher goes, "Well, I am a Republican!" That was the wrong thing to say. The kids lost their damn minds. I guess one screamed, "MY DAD SAYS REPUBLICANS ARE EVIL!" But, my favorite part, is when I asked Wm what the teacher said in response, he goes, "She just looked taken aback." Haha!! Wm is fun. Plus, that teacher clearly hasn't figured out the demographic in The Ville yet. She better recognize. (But, for reals, what kind of teacher is a Republican? You're voting against your own interests, moron.)

Also, Wm goes, "If you were trapped in a room with Donald Trump and a gun, and the only way out was to shoot him - would you? I WOULD." Apparently this was lunchtime conversation. Trump better pray he is never trapped in a room with Wm's lunch table and a gun, because I guess things don't look good for him.

Periodic Table

Wm has a newfound love of the periodic table. He spends hours pouring over it, transcribing it, and trying to decide what his favorite element is (it changes all the time). I believe today's is titanium. I find scraps of paper all over the house with bits of the periodic table written on it. Here is my current bookmark:

 

Aunt Jess and Uncle Drew got Wm a shirt with the periodic table on it that says, "I Wear This Shirt Periodically." Wm LOVES it. He wore it to school to show his science teacher...then chickened out. When he came home from school, he was all bummed that he didn't show his teacher. It is washed and ready to go for Attempt #2 this week. Wm is shy...he has to work up to these things. 

I asked him what the atomic numbers meant on the periodic table and here he is giving his best Science Dude answer:

(Note: I had to google it...but he's right!)

IKEAAAAAAA

We drove to IKEA in Cincinnati yesterday with friends and had a blast! And Wm was super good and earned himself his unlimited screens today! It was hard for him - we left before 9am and didn't get home until dinner time. When you go with another family, and you each have your to-buy list, it doubles how much stuff you have to linger around and decide upon. So I knew it would be a long one! Plus, our friends had never been there, so you have to factor in the "OMG  - this place is amazing!" time. Wm got himself his beloved IKEA chicken fingers, so he was happy. He was a real gentleman the whole day!

Steve was also a very hard worker. We don't have a coat closet (old houses never have closets!) so we decided to get a wardrobe (or, as our friends kept calling it a "chifferobe"). We splurged and got the nicest (and biggest!) one. It barely fits in the space and it took Steve 4 HOURS to put it together. Our house was destroyed and he was exhausted. Then he spent forever perfectly (and compulsively) leveling it. But it's perfect!!

The mess.

The process.

The result.

We now have a place to hang our coats, a drawer to store hats and mittens and the like, and a shelf for Wm's backpack and Steve's backpack, and shoes. Yay! Schroeder, however, has a new arch nemesis: Mirror Cat. Mirror Cat stalks him and puffs his fur up at him, and mocks him. Schroeder hates Mirror Cat. But, at least, now he has something to do with his day! 

And, even though no changes were made, I realized I never put a picture of my conversation nook up. So, without further ado....

Let's conversate. 

Snoozer

We are going to IKEA on Saturday with friends and I am insanely excited! Roadie to Cincinnati and all the meatballs I can eat! I have even bribed Wm. I told him that if he doesn't whine about being bored at all and is on his best behavior while we are at the true Happiest Place on Earth, he can have unlimited screens on Sunday. So now he's also insanely excited. IKEEEEEA!!

I had a nightmare last night and have been wide awake since 2:30am. I am exhausted this morning. But, one side benefit is that I captured the snoring lump that lays next to me all night looking like a corpse. This is how Steve sleeps every single night. But he's doing that puff snore that I have previously captured on video (so you get the full effect):

Wm LOVES this picture and laughed his butt off this morning!

Moron

I spent all day yesterday trying to untangle a mess at various banks. We got our tax refund and then I transferred it between checking and savings at our bank - then transferred a chunk of it to our money market account at a different bank. Once it showed up in the money market account, I thought $1,000 was missing. A lot of money! So I called both banks, talked with numerous people, and was blaming all the evil bankers of the world for stealing my money. Turns out, at 6:30pm yesterday, I got a very sweet man on the phone who explained more kindly than he had to that it was my own fault. I had lost track of all my transferring and the "missing" money was sitting safely in my savings account. So, basically, I am a moron. I'm like the old guy at the nursing home who is convinced that the nurses are stealing his valuables because he can't remember where he put them. So I hung up the phone and Steve (who I had riled all up with my own freaking out) was all, "what happened?!" I explained and he goes, "Oh, good." I said, "Yeahhhhh - so it was just my own fuck up." And Steve goes, "Well, I wasn't going to say it...but since you did..." Then I sighed and went, "I am the worst. Such an idiot." Wm yelled from his room, "You are not! You are AWESOME! Everyone makes mistakes!" Thus, Wm saved the day by making me laugh and feel 100% better about my own stupidity. Wm is the best kid.