Attention

Every day when we are done with dinner, Schroeder comes up and taps Steve on the arm. He wants to be picked up and placed upon Steve's lap for post-dinner scratches. He watches as Steve is closing in on dinner and then immediately when he's done...the tap. Since he's so predictable, I got him on video doing it yesterday!

Pop Quiz, Hotshot

I was listening to NPR's Sunday morning puzzle show. They were doing a thing where they said 2 words and then the contestant had to think of a word that combined the two. For instance, they'd say, "War/Thumb." And the contestant would have to say "RULE!" (Rule of War/ Rule of Thumb).
Soooo - after it becomes clear what the object is, NPR says: "Fancy/Stairs." Wm screams from behind me, "FLIGHT!" I didn't even know he was listening! He then proceeded to get every answer before either I or the NPR contestant could get them. That kid is either going to end up ruling the world or hacking out code in a cubical and taking care of his 27 cats (and possibly sending mysterious packages from a cabin in the woods).

Me at breakfast this morning: [lame joke]
Wm: You should have been a comedian!
Me: Are you being sarcastic?
Wm: No! You're funny! You always make me laugh.
Steve: [not impressed]

Gravity

Steve is on fire today. First, I texted him about a bra. Which sounds weird, but is necessary. Ladies, you know that bra shopping is, perhaps, the worst torture imaginable (on par with swim suit shopping). So I had picked one out online that I was pleased with. But I wasn't sure if it would "cover all my bases." Thus, I texted Steve for his opinion and asked him if I could pull it off. His reply: "Now? Sure. But gravity will take a toll."  Ooooookay. Thanks, Captain Sunshine.

THEN, I texted him this excerpt from a book I am reading by one of my favorite funny authors and told him I am going to do this:

 

But, he was all, "You can't."  And then I realized he is right!!! Here is Steve at all times: 😐

Steve furious: 😐

Steve jubilant: 😐

Steve heartbroken: 😐

Steve laughing his ass of: 😐

Steve when he's right: 😐

Steve when he's wrong: 😐

HE WINS AGAIN.

Fat Baby

I have become weirdly obsessed with this woman's Instagram account and blog. Both her house and her fat baby are awesome. That fat baby. The hats she puts on the fat baby. The fact that the fat baby is named Rufus. Her austere, clean white house. The farmhouse sink she bathes the fat baby in. It all makes me happy. So, I had this conversation with Wm about it...

Me: I wish you were a baby again so I could feed you like I was planning to make foie gras out of your liver. And then you would be a fat baby - and I could put bear ear hats on you that tie under your fat chin and laugh at your baby moobs and you could take naps in rustic baskets. Maybe I'll have another baby so I can do those things!
Wm: You can't.
Me: Why not?
Wm: You're in menopause. [smirk]

BURN. Maybe I'll just make Wm wear bear hats and nap in rustic baskets now. It's never too late!

(Also, Wm on the real footage shown of the marchers in Selma at the end of the movie: "Wow - people were a lot thinner back then." HA!)

ComFest

It's been an awesome Saturday so far, and it's not even 3pm yet! First, we woke up and Steve made Wm and I chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast!

Then we went to ComFest with Suzanne. After many years of ComFest going, we hit up the perfect way to do it. We got there 5 minutes before it technically even started - which means we got rock star parking (instead of walking for miles!), headed home before the hottest part of the day (Steve: "It doesn't feel like ComFest unless you have to change your underwear when you get home."), and left before it got super crowded (and stabby). We warned Wm (and Suzanne) that there are often interesting folks and nudity on display at ComFest.  When we left, Wm goes, "I only saw 2 boobs - you made it sound like there was going to be a lot more." I asked if he was disappointed and he goes, "I'm ambivalent." 

Suzanne enjoying a funnel cake and Wm taking a selfie

Blue tongue after a shaved ice

Wm took this with his phone!

The Fam festing

Steve went to mow the lawn and I am going to make cheddar biscuits to have for breakfasts next week. I'm on a quest to find something that Bones Jefferson will actually eat in the morning!!

Home

I just saw this awesome article about where are the cool kids are hanging out (hint: CBUS, baby!) It is always fun to find stuff like that about your hometown! They left off a bunch of our favorite places, so there's even more cool stuff. This is all good news for us - and our housing prices (especially after our neighbor's house sold in under 2 hours after a bidding war with 4 offers!) Allllll good. However, Wm says he wants to live in this house forever. So...there's that.

We just got back from Wm's violin lesson - which he rocked.  His violin teacher said he was her first student EVER to nail a complicated variation of Twinkle Twinkle on his first try! But she also spent a long time explaining counting and I thought Wm was going to fall asleep standing up. He's easily bored.

Wm has had a better week at Summer Clubhouse. They went to Glow Putt on Monday, to a splash park on Tuesday, and to the library (where he managed to get onto a computer and play games) today.    They spend the whole day at the zoo this coming Monday. So things are looking up in The Life and Times of Wm!

We are watching Selma with Wm. We watched the first half yesterday and Wm kept repeating, "Did this really happen? I can't believe THIS REALLY HAPPENED." I told him that not only did it happen, but in a couple years (when he is older), we will watch Schindler's List and it will make Selma look like a walk in the park. But, I also made sure he knew that we are not living in some kind of post-racial utopia and there is still nasty stuff going on - like Trump building walls and banning Muslims. Wm was horrified. Dark times...

Father's Day

We are celebrating Father's Day with Steve today because he works tomorrow morning. I made him his favorite breakfast and Wm gave him his present from him this morning (a handmade card with pocket for the Starbucks gift card he got him). I got Steve shoes (of course), but gave them to him a couple days ago. Today is Steve's Day of Yes - so we all have to do anything and everything he wants to do. We know, so far, Steve wants to go to Sweet Carrot for lunch - and Wm and I are making him a special dinner. But, the rest of it will be a surprise as Steve demands. I have a feeling a trip to REI or Dick's is in our future. Whatever he wants, Steve deserves it - he is THE BEST DAD EVER!!

Since I shared Wm's Top Ten Reasons I am the best mom, here are his Top Ten Reasons Steve is the Best Dad (from his card):
1. You play video games with me.
2. You make good pancakes.
3. You never yell at me (mostly).
4. You do not get strange tattoos.
5. You encourage me to do things.
6. You never actually send me to the gypsies.
7. You never say mean things to me.
8. You are always helpful and nice, even with I am annoying you.
9. You don't spank me.
10. You never gave me a brother or sister.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend 

Trio

Wm is really enjoying his violin lessons! And it's crazy how fast the improvement is with that sort of individual attention. His posture is 100% better! Yesterday, when the student for the next lesson arrived and our time as up, they played a quick trio in rounds with the teacher before we left. It was really neat!



Wm is also up to Q in his cursive. He is still not a big fan, but he's doing it without too much grumbling. Sadly, he's not having a blast at Summer Clubhouse this year. He is VERY happy it's his last year. All the other kids are into Pokemon. Wm loathes Pokemon. Apparently they spend all day playing with their little cards and Wm reads or plays by himself. When they take field trips or have an activity, he's happy - because there is no Pokemon. But the rest of the time, he's miserable. Every other summer, he has demanded that I not come to get him before 4:30. But now, he wants me to pick him up on my way home from work so he can escape ASAP. Poor Willie! It shouldn't be too bad for him - he is spending a week with Grandma and Grandpa and we'll be on vacation for a week. And camp ends August 12. So hopefully it will fly by! This summer is his last summer with any sort of paid child care. WOOOOT!!! We've waited 10 years for this day! We can funnel all that money into his expensive violin lessons. ;-)

Pizza

We found a super cool restaurant right near our house that has those old timey video game tables! We took Wm there for dinner earlier this week and he said it is his favorite restaurant of all time. Haha! He played PacMan and Gun Slinger and Donkey Kong, among others. And we got fried cheese curds, tater tots, sloppy joes, hot dogs, and fried twinkies. So, basically, health food. We all felt like we feel after going to the fair...but it was worth it! Wm is already clamoring to go back!

Wm has proven himself to be a competent chef! For Kid Cooks Night, we have made: flautas, spaghetti, mac n cheese, tacos, and, tonight: PIZZA! As you can see, when Wm is in charge, we have a very kid-friendly menu! We made the pizza crust from scratch (and Wm learned how to knead dough!) and used leftover spaghetti sauce we had in the freezer from last weekend for sauce. It turned out really well and Wm said it was his favorite thing so far! (The secret is to use whole milk mozzarella - none of that part-skim pre-shredded crap is allowed in this house!) Wm learned the Number Rule of Cooking: there can never be too much cheese.

Happy Cook in his Harry Potter shirt

We have also instituted another "Night" Wm is NOT a fan of...he haaaaates it. I call it "Pioneer Night." And, at dinner time, we turn off all the lights and eat by candle light. Then, after dinner, we are "pioneers" and can only use things that existed in pioneer times (with a few exceptions - namely, the toilet and the AC). Wm is miserable. Last week we played Trivial Pursuit. Wm was still not amused. He has declared Pioneer Night "torture." My job as a parent is complete.

Private Violinist

Wm had his first private violin lesson yesterday. I was kind of nervous because he can be evil about "learning opportunities" in the summer (he is very mad about his cursive workbook I am making him do, for instance). Fortunately, he had a grand time and is excited to go back! Which was something of a surprise because he spent most of his first lesson learning how to tune his instrument and hold it correctly. Wm REALLY needs to work on his posture! I'll have to be on him like white on rice. Apparently in the class at school, the teacher is too busy to worry about slumping!

I was very proud of his violin effort!! He will go every Wednesday from here on out.

VICTORY!

Me: One hundred years ago, women did not have the right to vote. And now we have a woman running for president! 8 years of a black president followed by - hopefully - 8 years of a female present!! THE AGE OF WHITE MALES IS OVER! Suck it, patriarchy!
Wm: What do you mean the age of white males is over?
Me: I mean that white men have been running this show for way too long and now it's all over for them! Moooohahahahaha! They're outnumbered and on the run!
Wm: You mean ALL the presidents before now have been white men?
Me: YES!!! Wm! YES! ALLLLL the presidents in the history of the US have been white men! Obama is the very first black president EVER and we've never had a woman president!
Wm: WOW. That's crazy.
PREACH.

The Plan

I forgot to update after my meeting with the district Gifted Coordinator! She was super nice and answered all my questions. Wm will be in the gifted section of 6th grade math, which was a major concern of mine. Whew! I didn't want him in general pop. At the end of the year, he is tested again and can go into 7th grade math, 8th grade math, or their 7/8 grade math (that does both in one year at an accelerated pace). If he completes middle school math after 6th grade (or 7th), he can move on to Algebra and Geometry (grades 9 and 10 math) while staying at the middle school. SWEET.

We decided, for Wm's peace of mind and happiness, to drop him off ourselves instead of having him ride the middle school bus. That was making him nervous. Plus, the bus pickup time is 7am. Yikes. Still, I was concerned about his longer day and they said that Wm can bring a snack along with him and eat it during his study hall (that he will have in the library while the rest of his class has Math). Another win! Basically, they were SUPER accommodating about everything.

One perk of being in the city district is that they have THE best G&T services in Franklin County. It's something I had never thought about because it has, in general, a bad rap. But they are desperate to keep their numbers good (as they can be) and keep gifted kids in the district, so they bend over backwards for them! My friend who has a kid in an affluent 'burb with outstanding schools told me they have "gifted" classes - but they are open to anyone who wants a "challenge" so they don't exclude anyone. Very PC and all...but not my bag. Wm's tiny brain pings a mile a minute and the teacher only moves as fast as the slowest student. I definitely want the exclusion! Keep out the muggles! (It's OK for me to say that because I am a muggle. And if you don't know what a muggle is, go read Harry Potter already, you illiterate bastard.)

Wm and I had a fun day of rest and relaxation yesterday. I read a book in one sitting while Wm ignored me completely (a modern retelling of Pride and Prejudice that Jane Austen would poop on). Awesome. Today, we woke up and walked up to a new place at the end of our street for breakfast and then on to the farmer's market. We got Wm expensive, gourmet french toast that he declared "disgusting," so he ate 3 bites and then came home and ate a Fiber One bar. Yeahhhhh. That's m'kid.

OH! I'll end with a fun story. Wm has been sleeping in a bit more than usual (and eating - I think he's having a growth spurt!) So he woke up at 7:45am and came racing into our room and yelled, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" I go, "Uhhh, yeah, it's 7:45." And he screamed, "I AM GOING TO BE LATE!!!!" I go, "for what?" He huffed all around and yelled, "FOOOOR SCHOOOOL!" I said, "It's Saturday, dude." He looked bewildered for a minute, then went, "oh yeah..." and shuffled back into his room. Good times.

5th Grader!

Wm is officially done with 4th grade! 5th grade, here we come! Wm is really sad that he is so close to being done with elementary school. He has really loved his school experience so far!

The Evil Safety Patrol Harridan of Meanness has said Wm cannot do safety patrol if he goes to middle school next year. I was afraid Wm would be really upset, but when I told him, he goes, "meh, I don't care." So he took it well. He is still set on moving on up to middle school, so he isn't too bothered about patrol. Thankfully! He said he still loves safety patrol, but it's not "that important."

We went to Lunch on the Lawn today and listened to the Dad Gummits play some live music while we ate our picnic lunch with some of Wm's friends. Wm passed up ice cream (Mimi's treat!) for a cookie. Then returned from the cookie food truck with this monstrosity:

Cookie ice cream sandwich

I decided to take the day off tomorrow and Wm and I are going to hang. Then he starts his last summer of Clubhouse on Monday! Lots of "lasts" for Wm coming up this year!

Updates

We had a great Memorial Day weekend! We went to visit NE Ohio to celebrate Wm's cousin's graduation. Wm had a blast splashing around in the pool...so did Steve! We got a ton accomplished around the house and Suzanne came over for a cookout. I actually took yesterday off to go to the dentist (I take the whole day off so that I can be anxious at home instead of at work!) And I got a clean bill of health!! WHEW!

This afternoon, I go in to meet with the Gifted Coordinator for the district to talk about what's going to happen with Wm. I have a ton of questions for her, so hopefully it's a good meeting!

And tomorrow is Wm's last day of school! As we do every year, the whole fam (including Mimi!) goes up to have Lunch on the Lawn at the school - and then Wm gets to come home with us. So, after today, he only has a half day of 4th grade left to go!

Since I haven't shared some funny Wm stuff recently, here you go...

[On a walk to the library]
Me: Oh man, look at that front door. That is gorgeous.
Wm: Yes! It looks like a rich, mahogany wood.