LBS.

I went to get a drink and came back to discover Wm had stolen my seat.

Me: You stole my seat!

Wm: You can sit on my lap.

Me: I will crush you.

Wm: No you won't.

Me: Fine.  Here comes the boom.

Wm: Ah. Ugh.  Oh...man...get up!  GET UP! You must weigh 100 pounds!!

Me: Indeed.